My story: I lost my spouse and also my dad to cancer less than two years apart. Until their diagnoses, I was a bit over weight but not “obese”.
My family and I immediately transitioned from a dual income household to me being the sole provider. I found myself facing high medical expenses, the eventual loss of not one but two very important people in my life, working full time while also being a caregiver, and raising a young teen all at the same time. I gained a significant amount of weight in a little over a year.
Current challenge: Now that both my spouse and dad have passed away, and the teen I mentioned is an adult and is on his own, for the last year plus, I turned my focus toward myself and finding my new normal. I have not been able to lose weight and keep it off.
My physical self has grown very fond of “survival mode,” apparently, and is holding onto the calories from every crumb that goes into my mouth. My emotional self reacts to stress in a manner which then encourages my physical self to remain in “survival mode”.
I am working with a physician, a dietician, and have tried a few different therapists in an effort to break the cycle. The good news is that there is no physical reason why I cannot lose weight.
Starting the beginning of this year, I track everything I eat. I have remained the same weight while staying within 1,400 calories a day (with very few exception days- one exception or “cheat” day every other month, to date). Because I walk a lot and liked the interface, I chose the “my fitness pal” app to track both food intake and physical activity. I have worked my way up to about 8,000 steps per day alternating a fast pace with a slow, leisurely pace on average. I recently added IF (16:8) to the mix. Sooner or later, I will find what works for me and will return to a healthy weight.
The reaction of others to my weight ranges from fat shaming to sympathy to encouragement. It is so easy for some to hide behind a keyboard/touch screen and criticize a person that they will likely never have to look in the eye.
Only those close to me (until now, anyway) know this story. I get the occasional snarky and judgmental comments while out on public. My favorite response is “Try burying your spouse and your dad within months of each other - then tell me how you’ve managed your weight!”
I have found folks who are physically active to be the very best in terms of offering words of encouragement and guidance when asked. The person who looks like a model and is less than 4% body fat is just as quick with a kind word as the person who looks just like me.
Though I like myself and enjoy spending time alone, I miss jumping in the car and heading to a baseball game or to the next town over to enjoy a favorite venue. I have tried online dating without great success. Though I have had many good chats and have also been on dates, in summary, it is easy to see and judge only the outer shell without a thought about the inner person and how/why they became what you see. After a few failed attempts, I discovered my self confidence is not ready to filter through the bots, filters, cat-fishing, etc., in order to meet someone who genuinely wants to be friends and partners.
Have I found the winning approach to weight loss? No. Am I going to quit trying? Absolutely not.
Healing after two great losses (dad: 2012 and spouse: 2014) is a journey. It took me awhile to find my new internal normal. Now I am focused on my new external normal. There are still days that I have to remind myself I am enough and I am worth the effort to become the best version of me!
I needed to write all of this out as much as I needed a reminder that motivation, for me, comes from within and is assisted by controlling my inputs.
Positive ideas and advice is appreciated and welcomed.
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