Before I start, some information about me
- I'm a 21 year old female
- 5'4" and 288lbs
- Mentally ill (Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Autism, probably an eating disorder)
- Used to be a very skinny and active kid but as I got older I stopped moving and started eating more
- I live with my mom and dad and I don't have a car of my own and I don't want to ever drive anyways.
I'm not sure how to start this post or what exactly to say but I'm extremely stressed. I'm morbidly obese at only 21 years old and I'm so, so tired of being like this. I feel disgusted with myself and have a lot of self hatred in general about what I've let myself become, and I can't even see skinny people in public without thinking that I could have been that weight, but I'm not because I'm a fat pig with no self control.
I want to lose weight so, so badly but I always see articles online about how scientific studies show that it's almost impossible to lose weight and keep it off, and that 95% of people just gain it all back, and it's just making me even more stressed and upset because I can't stop thinking about how I fucked up my body so much and now I might not even be able to fix it. I want to lose at least 175lbs (used to be 150lbs but I gained even more weight) but I don't know if I can even do that.
My eating habits are horrible and at this point I think I have some sort of binge eating disorder. I wake up in the middle of the night or wait until my parents have gone to bed before going upstairs and eating a massive amount of junk food. Chips, icecream, candy, pasta, whatever I can find. My mom hides food but I still find it, even going into the garage and looking in there.
At this point I don't know how to even tell if I'm hungry or not. I'm constantly thinking about food and when/what my next meal is going to be, and awaiting the days my mom works and only my dad is home because sometimes we get fast food or pizza. I also eat massive portions all the time, probably enough for two grown men.
I went to a dietician for a while and even started a weight loss medication (Qsymia) but stopped because I just kept gaining weight (I have no self control and eat everything in sight) and the side effects were annoying (bottoms of my toes were numb and I was super dizzy).
They were just also making me feel worse. I asked them (and my other doctor) if it was possible to lose all the weight I want and they wouldn't give me a yes or no answer, they just said it would be really hard and most of their patients could only lose around 30lbs.
Is there hope for me? Can I lose the weight I want without needing surgery or an extremely restrictive diet/crazy exercise routine? Are there any scientific studies that DON'T say it's pretty much impossible to lose weight permanently? I hate my body, I can barely get out of bed or sit up properly because I'm so fat, walking hurts and I get tired so, so easily.
I love doing wildlife photography but I can't even go photograph my favorite species, a timber rattlesnake, because I'm so out of shape. They live up in the bluffs but I'm literally too fat and out of shape to go look for them, so I might not ever be able to see one in the wild.
I'm sorry if this post is really long and disjointed, I'm just so stressed and upset lately.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Jmxi9n
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