I’m having a really hard time tonight, nervous to go to the fair tomorrow

I was overweight before covid, and then I gained a lot more weight during lockdown, and now i’m considered obese according to health charts or whatever. Where I live we haven’t come out of lockdown pretty much at all since March 2020 so I haven’t been going out. well, tomorrow is my first day out in forever. I’m going to an outdoor fair with my friend. I should be excited because this kind of thing is right up my alley but my weight is ruining the whole thing and i’m finding myself in a total panic about tomorrow. i’m almost in tears.

first thing is that none of my clothes fit. I didn’t even realize. None of my jeans fit and my cardigans are snug. I can’t wear sweatpants?! i’ve spent half the evening going through my closet in a panic trying to find anything that will fit. also, the fair has one ride that my friend mentioned she really wants to go on. now i’m in a panic about that and trying to google weight limits. this is extremely pathetic but I’ve found myself spending the better part of this evening on the fairs social media accounts trying to find pics of the ride with people on it to see if anyone around my size is on the ride. I know that sounds insane. I also haven’t seen this friend since before the pandemic. she’s literally the kindest person I know and would never judge me by my weight but it’s so obvious that i’m so much bigger now and i’m so embarrassed.

the thing is, i’m on my weight loss journey. i started fairly recently, it’s going well, slow and steady, and I’ve lost 10lbs so far. but i still have so far to go and on the surface it doesn’t look like I’ve done anything. to be honest, I’ve kind of been using covid as an excuse not to see people when the real reason is my massive weight gain. i’m just panicking and not excited at all for tomorrow when I really should be. being heavy really sucks. I bet so many people just hop into their cars to go enjoy the fair without a second thought. I know it’s my own fault, i’m just venting. I could really use some words of advice, or someone to tell me if they’ve ever gone through this before so I don’t feel so alone. i’m not even sure if this is the right sub to post this, so i’m sorry if it’s wrong.

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