I've gained so much weight, my smart scale doesn't recognize me.

I went into 2020 at 195lbs. I'm a 6'4" male, 27. I had started my weight loss journey at 345lbs and lost it through CICO in 2018. I thought I was pretty much set for life and maintained for a couple years eating intuitively.

I use a fitbit smart scale. I love it tbh, because I don't have to remember numbers to write down.

I stopped weighing myself and absolutely lost control. 2020 and early 2021 were very very hard for me. I gained 60lbs in 5 months. I'm still at +60lbs, unless I've gained more because I have not been on top of my diet.

I got on my scale and it didn't pull up my symbol and have me confirm that it's me. I weighed as a guest. The last time I stepped on this fucking thing I was 213lbs. When I weighed myself, I was 264lbs. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I feel absolutely fucking terrible. I had to work on my mental health for a while and now I'm alright. I have healthy foods at home and have had a few good days of tracking and walks outside. But usually I'm eating a pizza or driving through fast food (they recognize me at several places around my apartment. The people at Panda Express told me I should apply - which was nice I guess).

I have been trying for a couple months to get myself back on course and it is just not working. I even tried going to a therapist - I did 5 sessions but we didn't click. I'll go to someone else when I'm ready.

I know what I need to do. I do not understand why I can't control myself. Why is the unhappiness I feel not motivating? My least favorite body part that always made me the most embarrassed (man boobs) are back, and it's like I'm just letting it happen. What the fuck.

I was obese since childhood. This experience of being slim and then eating myself obese again taught me a LOT. Certain foods give me an emotional high when I eat them, also when I'm purchasing them and bringing them home. It feels like I'm getting away with something devious and no one is here to say anything to me. Once I have a taste of a triggering food, that's it. I feel myself let go of the wheel.

I find food to be something I genuinely cannot control myself with. As someone who has done drugs, it is like being on drugs.

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