So, I’ve been doing really great lately. I hate to compliment myself, as I hope it doesn’t get in the way of my commitment to weight loss. I feel different lately, though. After years of eating disorders and lots of bs, Idk. I just feel very on track. I’m viewing things differently. I don’t see my calories as a restriction much at the moment, but more so a healthy boundary/line to stay in so that I can both be healthy and reach a goal. I’m finding ways to stay in my calorie range that don’t feel like I’m not getting what I want. And I just feel happier, lighter, more regimented. All of this can obviously change. There will be good days and bad days, but I see myself very much as walking in the opposite way of what I was doing before. Knowing that it will take me a long time to reach the place I want to be, but at least choosing to walk that way and stay on that path so that I will inevitably get closer to and reach that goal. Like I literally envision myself in the woods, lost, but deciding to turn away from my previous walking path and go down the one that will get me to where I want to be. Hopefully that makes sense and isn’t too schmaltzy lol. It’s helping me, though.
I have 170lbs to lose. I’ve had a rough few years. Lots of life crap. But now things are more stable and I’m working again and I have a stupid little crush on a colleague. I call him sexy voice because his voice is SO sexy. Fck. It’s the only way we interact lol. I don’t know them at all, but even just the crush makes me feel motivated to reach my goal so that I’d be able to know I wasn’t passed up just because of my weight. We’re remote right now and I pray we don’t have to meet in the office or anything before I lose a lot of weight. It’s really stupid. I’m sure they’re married or something haha, but just in case they weren’t, I want to reach my goal for a million reasons, but being able to be comfortable and confident in front of someone I have a crush on is just one of them.
Im proud of myself but I have so far to go. I will not see any real significance until I lose about 100lbs, I’m wagering. Like, that will be when I am much smaller than I am now, even though I’ll have almost another 100 to lose. That’s so crazy to me. And the excess skin haunts me even now, but I’d rather have that then be like I am now. I’d rather have the option of getting my skin chopped off than being this overweight and unhappy in my current body and clothing. For even a second longer.
Im sure most of you who have lost weight know what it’s like when you first are starting out. You feel like you’re doing so much, and then look in the mirror, or step on the scale, or see a picture of yourself. And then you’re smacked by reality. You’re not there yet. And it’s what makes a lot of us stop right when we’re beginning. It’s what’s made me stop for years, but I feel like I’m going to push through that this time. So, how do I deal with this. With having a mindset that I am going to lose this weight and be fit and happy, while I’m not. And knowing it will be that way for a long, long time. How do you stay motivated through that? Love yourself through that?
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