Hi guys! I saw another post in here that reminded me that this is probably a good and safe place to discuss these thoughts and feelings I have been having. I don’t really know anyone in really life to talk to who understands. They either haven’t had weight issues in their lives, never lost the weight or felt extremely confident when they did. I always thought I’d be the latter. I tell my whole story in hopes it connects with someone and maybe it’s part of why I’m feelings this way. My weight loss journey hasn’t been what I always expect it would be if it did happen in my life.
Last year, I started at a high weight of 332 lbs I am 5 ft 8 in tall. This made me around a size 20 personally. I lost 36 lbs in an effort to improve fertility over a couple of months. I then lost another 30 lbs pretty quickly from the side effects of some mental health medications I was put on after 3 rounds of infertility treatments left me suicidal. Then at 270 lbs I became pregnant once we finally weren’t even trying anymore (funny how that works).
This was my second pregnancy. In my first, 3 years earlier I lost weight from excessive, uncontrollable nausea all 9 months and then gained it back after. This time I went from 270 down to 222 while pregnant. The worst part is I felt terrible and literally couldn’t keep food down and because of my weight loss I was being praised even by most doctors.
I lost over 100 lbs and went from a 3xl+ to an xl. There are some things I can see are different in the mirror but overall I feel like I look the same. I still feel like as big of a person as I did before I started and I can’t online shop because I cannot trust ordering an XL. I have more control over my health now even though I’m actually newly pregnant for the third time so I’m trying hard to NOT actively lose more weight. But I thought the fact that I’m exercising and eating better by choice would help me register this weight loss in a more positive way but I feel so negatively about it still.
I don’t want to feel so conflicted over all of this but I’m not sure where to turn next. Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/OSP4W3I
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