Wednesday, August 10, 2022

I don't want to eat (CW for thoughts disordered eating)

I've tried to lose weight before. I've been overweight my entire life, so my parents have pushed me into diets multiple times, and I'd make a bit of progress. I'd follow the instructions I was given, but then the weight would stop coming off, and then it would come back on again, and it would make me feel horrible. I followed all of the instructions, I didn't change anything, so why was I gaining weight again?

I was diagnosed with PCOS at 13. Every diet I tried from then on had PCOS in mind. I tried Weight Watchers when my mom tried it, but I tried to consume as little food, and use as few points, as possible. I felt terrible, and I felt exhausted, but I'd lose the weight, right? A month of starving myself, and I didn't lose any weight.

I tried losing weight again by setting my caloric goal at a deficit and eating according to that. And I managed to lose a little bit of weight. But then I'd eat a "bad" food, or the "wrong" thing, and I felt disgusting afterward. I'd considered making myself throw up multiple times, but thankfully never actually did it. I was still in middle school at this point.

I just turned 22. I've been counting calories since June, and I managed to drop 9 pounds in that time! But I don't know if it was because I started a new medication or what, but the weight loss started to slow down to nothing, and eventually, slowly but surely, I started to gain weight again. I've been up since 10am and it's 2pm now, and I just don't want to eat.

I know that I have to. I planned to work out today, and I know that I need something in my system in order to make it through, but the idea of eating anything after I've gained weight back makes me feel disgusting. I can feel my mentality slipping backwards, and I don't want that to happen. I don't know what to do.

submitted by /u/kingbennyboy
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/rcA0kQS

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