I like being invisible

I’m not sure if this is the right sub but I thought there’d be good insight from you guys.

I like being “invisible”. No attention from the opposite sex, no pressure to continue conversations that I don’t want, and so forth. Peoples eyes just slide right past me most of the time. I like it, it feels safe and comfortable.

As an introvert, I find chit chat exhausting. Also, I’m a labor and delivery nurse and there is a lot of small talk with patients and coworkers. There is a certain level of expectations of how to interact with patients. Very positive and bubbly. It’s fine and I put on my “face” but I think being fat, it’s not expected to keep it up. My jokes fall flat or conversations fade quickly. And before you know it, I get the relief of saying “ok, call if you need anything!”. Also, my coworkers don’t seek me out and if I’m quietly charting, they leave me alone.

I say this as someone who was fat, lost a bunch of weight (80 lbs on my 5’2” frame) and saw the change in peoples behaviors. People were overly nice. I got good deals and service (eg at the auto repair shop but I just assumed it was good place). I remember the first time a provider’s eyes lingered on me too long… so icky. People went out of their way to help me. I got compliments from new coworkers who never knew my weight loss history and older coworkers were falling over themselves to tell me how good I looked now. It made me so uncomfortable and embarrassed. And I’m not trying to brag about looks or anything... At my lowest, I was still technically overweight and average looking.

Then I gained all the weight back through the pandemic and a breakup. The guy at the car repair shop wasn’t friendly and he did a way worse job and offered less services. The same provider stopped talking to me unless I called about a patient. Coworkers stopped reaching out to get together. It’s actually made me resent people for treating overweight people differently which in turns makes me want even less to do with others. If I could live in a mountain cottage and enjoy a life of solitude, it would be ideal lol.

I just transferred jobs and have been used to being invisible. People knew me and knew what to expect out of me. But at my new job, my reputation for being a hard working nurse has followed me and so when people who know me introduce me, they say “this is lush_lavendar, she’s so amazing at x, y, z and we’re so lucky to have her”. It’s honestly embarrassing and I hate it. I’d rather show my work ethic through my actions. It’s happened a handful of times and it’s really shed light on how much I hate attention and how being overweight/obese has helped keep me in my comfort zone.

But I’m in 30s and I don’t like how my knees and hips ache at the end of the day now. Or that I’m at a significant risk for high blood pressure, diabetes or other chronic conditions. I want to lose weight to be healthy and age comfortably.

But if I shed my “safety blanket”, how can I deal with vulnerability that comes with being seen? Any insights, tips or advice from others that have been in the same position?

submitted by /u/lush_lavendar
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