A little backstory- I’m 29f, currently weighing in at 204 lbs. I’ve been both fit and/or thin a few times throughout my life. I had my ideal body when I was ages 24-26, when I was going to the gym 5-6 times a week. Then the pandemic happened and it caused my mental and physical health to plummet, which in turn caused me to gain a ton of weight, making me the biggest I’ve literally ever been. I’ve always struggled with disordered eating since I was a teenager. In highschool, I lost 30 lbs in 2 months by running for an hour every day and only eating 500 calories. Throughout my twenties, I went through cycles of binging, restricting and skipping meals. Even when I had my ideal body, I skipped dinner most nights and didn’t track my macros at all. So although I was strength training and gaining muscle, I still didn’t have a healthy relationship with food or my body despite being in great shape. Fast forward to now, 55 lbs later. I’m with a partner who encourages me to enjoy food and love my body despite everything I’ve been through. I try really REALLY hard to practice self love and patience because of him, but I just find myself so tired of putting in so much effort and not seeing my body change much. I’ve been trying to lose weight on and off for 2 years to no avail, mostly because I was in so much pain all the time and didn’t have the energy or strength to workout. I recently got my health issues in check and feel amazing, so I figured weight loss would be easier. I’ve been going at it consistently for 4 months. This is the first time in my life that I’m counting my macros and only doing a slight calorie deficit to save myself from either being miserable or slipping back into disordered eating. I also aim to workout at least 4-5 times a week but life happens and sometimes I don’t always hit that goal but usually get at least 3 days in. I’ve only lost 6 pounds in the past 4 months and it’s really starting to get to me. I find myself getting triggered and wanting to resort to an all or nothing mentality and go back to my old ways of restricting, even though I know it wouldn’t be healthy for me. My mind tells me that I’m not trying hard enough or that my “treat day” is holding me back or that my deficit isn’t big enough. It’s hard not to want to give up after seeing so little change. It doesn’t help when I compare myself to others who have lost so much more in a shorter period of time. I also have diagnosed ocd and sometimes tracking my macros becomes an obsession and causes me extreme guilt on days that I go over my calories or if I don’t hit enough protein. I’m just sick of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. I’ve isolated myself from 90% of my friends and my boyfriend’s friends because I’m afraid they will judge me for gaining weight. I’ve unfortunately experienced how differently people treat you when you’re overweight as opposed to in shape, since I’ve been both at multiple times in my life. Idk, maybe this isn’t even the best place to post this but I just wanted to vent and see if anyone can relate or can offer advice/encouragement of any sort.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/bRjhi9a
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