Hi all, long time lurker, first time poster. Bit of a rant. I’m 5’1 and last week, I weighed myself for the first time in quite some time and I found that I’m at the heaviest I’ve ever been - 279.8. I don’t even like writing that because I’m so disgusted about it. A couple years ago I was at 260 and I managed to lose 50 pounds in around 5 months. I was so proud of myself - but nobody noticed. Nobody said anything. 50 pounds and not one word of affirmation, recognition, nothing. I would comment on my own weight loss and people would give me weird looks as if I were lying even though you could visibly see the difference in photos. Anyways after a rough couple seasons, a bad breakup, stress, quarantine, etc - I gained it all back plus change. And I’ve never been so pissed at myself. Since I stepped on the scale I started eating better, tracking what I was eating/my calorie intake, and I’m working on getting back into exercising. I’m down almost 6 pounds just from those small changes. I know, not a lot, but something. But I’m not going to mention to my friends or family that I’m trying to lose weight again. Why? Because none of them are genuinely supportive. They act condescending as all hell over it, they patronize me, they never offer any real support or even ask about my progress. In fact I get the side eye if I don’t load up on as many carbs as they do, or they make a joke if I skip dessert. My mom, who is also incredibly obese, ALWAYS comments on how little or how much I eat. My brother gained some weight over a year and when she saw him on a visit it was all she talked about for a week. I can’t imagine what she says about me behind my back. I’m tired of it. It does more harm then good. I’m losing weight for myself, not for them. I don’t want to announce I’m on “a journey” or anything. When I lost 50 pounds I never mentioned anything either, and I believe that was a big contributor to why it actually happened because I did it in my own headspace. When they notice, they can say something. I just don’t want any fake cheerleaders. I know that having a support system helps a lot of people, and I’m not raining on them, but I think it’s best for me to make my achievements in silence. Maybe it’s a little counterproductive to post this on the internet, but at least I know this is a judgment free zone - or definitely way less than my immediate community.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/6KZwu1Q
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