Shaking the idea that your weight is the most important thing about you

I’ve lost significant amounts of weight a few times in my life (30-40lbs and then I regain) and have always been overweight or obese.

My family is pretty patriarchal, and it was clear to me that the most important thing about me was my appearance (and especially my weight). My father even once told me if he were as fat as me he would stop eating altogether, and no amount of scholastic achievement ever outweighed (sorry) how disappointed he was in me for being fat. This (and other experiences) mean that each time I get serious about losing weight again, it’s really hard to not devote all of my mental energy to it at the expense of the rest of my life, even though I’m in my 30s now.

The mindset that as a woman my appearance is more important than anything else though isn’t just my family, this is constantly the messaging women get in society and it’s very hard to shake. I have a PhD. I am literally a math professor. I have worked very hard for the life that I have now, and have accomplished things I never dreamed for myself. And still, when I look in the mirror and see that apron belly, or see that the “maybe someday I won’t be fat anymore and then I’ll finally be beautiful” idea is going to be replaced with “maybe someday I can just look old instead of fat and old” even though both of those are damaging, it’s hard for me to not spiral into disordered eating behaviors.

I started working on my Covid weight gain this year and am about 8 lbs down so far, and finally realized this is why I have such a hard time making room in my life for both weight loss and engaging meaningfully with the rest of my life and the things that I love. The first few weeks I was pre-logging the next day, watching supersize vs super skinny and secret eaters during any free moment, and I realized my favorite thing about going to sleep was waking up and weighing myself to see how much I had lost.

Now I can see why I fall so hard into this pathway and what are the forces encouraging that. I’m hoping this will help me have some more balance and self worth. Anyone else struggling with this?

submitted by /u/topologicalpants
[link] [comments]

from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/PEIHkQf