27 F with 105 lbs to lose. I've got this.

I've been lurking Reddit for years, but I'm finally ready to post something, because I think this community might help me to be accountable to myself.

I [27, F] weigh 250 lbs. I'm only 5'1.

I have spent almost all of my life struggling with my weight. I've always been pretty chubby, but I've had some success with weight loss in the past. The summer before my senior year of high school, I hit 171 lbs and had a meltdown because that was the exact weight class that my boyfriend (now husband) wrestled. I lost about 40 lbs over the next 9 months, and weighed 130 by senior prom. I did this largely through extreme restriction of my diet, which was possible because of my unique schedule (I took classes at a local college for the second half of my school day, so if I ate lunch, it was alone, and then I headed straight to the campus rec center).

By the time I was about 21, I weighed about 165 again. Because of his job, I didn't get to see my husband for 7 months. I lost about 30 lbs in that time. I did this mostly by going to the gym for several hours a day and being extremely unmotivated to cook real food for only myself, so I ate a lot of cereal and Lean Cuisines.

Neither of these were sustainable forms of weight loss because they relied on my own isolation and were fueled through my self-loathing.

But here I am, years later, longing to be ONLY as fat as I was before.

I know there has to be a way to operate my weight loss from a place of self-love instead of self-hatred. I want to LOVE life. I have a great group of friends and I want to unabashedly cherish my time with them. I want to eat good food among friends and smile wide and run around with their children without worrying about how I look or whether I'm in view of a camera. I want to travel and explore the world without worrying that I won't fit in a plane seat or wondering if Santorini is such a great idea because there are so many stairs. I want to be healthy so that I can be around for a long time to enjoy the life I've worked so hard to build.

I know absolutely everything that I need to do in order to lose weight. I literally own all of the gym equipment that I need. My husband is immensely supportive of me and my desire to get healthy. We have enough money to purchase healthy foods and the skills to prepare them. I've been in therapy for two years and have access to any professional help I might need to overcome any emotional aspects of my weight.

So this is me stopping whatever bullshit excuses I've been feeding myself for why I "can't do it." It's not my shitty metabolism or my hormones or my childhood trauma or my busy schedule or my grief. It's only ever been me. And I've got this.

I weigh 250 lbs. My goal weight is 145. That's 105 lbs to lose. I'm dividing that up into smaller goals of 20 so that I don't feel so overwhelmed, and then I'll just have 5 left over at the end.

I'll see you all at 130.

submitted by /u/Lava_Lemon
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