Hello LoseIt community,
First off, I apologize for the format (mobile) and for the rambling. I just need to get this off my chest, I guess.
Last year for my 20th birthday, my mom and I went to my favourite place on earth, Disneyland. I had such an amazing time. However, one part really stings from it; I have no photos of myself from my birthday. I have photos of the park, sure. But no photos of me or my mom.
I’m 20 years old, and I only have maybe three photos of myself that I actually like from the ages of 11-20. Almost ten years of my life. I have photos of my family and I on other Disney trips, but I would never look at them. I hate them. I hate the way I look in them. I hate how fat I am in all of them. Even pictures of my high school grad. I had this super beautiful dress, but I hate all the photos of myself in it.
I guess I’m just sad. I’m sad that I lost my teenage years because of my weight. I’m sad I don’t like any photo that’s ever been taken of me. I thought about it this morning when I saw that a local photographer was doing a sale on summer photos. I thought about doing it, just so I have some photos of me at 20, but they’re still pretty expensive and I don’t want to waste money on something I’ll hate.
I’m going to the gym tonight, so hopefully that’ll make me feel better. Days like this, weight loss seems so unobtainable. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I’ll never get to where I want to be. It feels like I’ll never be comfortable with myself. I guess it’s just hard to keep up the motivation sometimes.
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