tl;dr: Went from 233 to 145 and I still see that fat girl in the mirror. I never feel satisfied.
At 18 years old I blew up to 233lbs. It happened rapidly, probably around 70 pounds gained in a year. I felt horrible whenever I shopped for clothes. I started buying size 16 pants and XXL tops. Every time I went to buy something I had to grab an even larger size than the last. My shoulders broadened, my face was puffy, and I was built like a block. My friends were all petite and skinny so I constantly felt like the “ugly friend”.
I started working out and eating better. I dropped down to 170, which I maintained for probably a year. I felt much better. People would mention how much smaller I looked so it made me proud of my success. I could fit into a size 12 and L-XL shirts.
I rapidly gained back 30 pounds putting me up into the 200’s again. I lost the weight once more and sat back at 170.
I killed some major lbs and currently weigh 142 pounds. I am the thinnest I’ve been since I was 13. I look great yet I am still so unsatisfied with my body. I feel as if I will never be content with my looks. I am stuck in my head knit picking each and every detail of my physical appearance.
I am so thankful I look this way and I do feel a sense of achievement but I am not confident or happy. Maybe it’s just me but I believe this is a side of weight loss that people don’t talk about. Body dysmorphia is so real, I feel like I’m still that fat girl. It’s an obsessive thing. Some days I just see myself as that 233lbs person.
Please don’t let this discourage you from losing weight because it such an amazing thing and betters your life in countless ways. I just want some guidance and to see if anyone feels the same I do, you know?
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