About 2 years ago, I went on a 1200 calorie diet, lost about 40 pounds, and for the first time in my whole life felt comfortable and confident with my body. Which that part was amazing, but of course after I lost the weight I was terrified that eating any more than 1200 calories would make me gain weight. You know the drill, I had no energy, skipped social events to avoid temptation, isolated myself, got all depressed. But dammit I stuck to my 1200 calories. Until I couldn't. I wasn't eating enough so I would binge every 7 days or so and hate myself.
Eventually I realized I HAD to eat more, I slowly added back, and with ups and downs mostly maintained my weight up to about 2000 calories a day. I got my energy back. I thought things were great. But also some days at the end of my 2000 calories I was still hungry. Some days I had a snack but felt guilty, some days I went to bed starving and couldn't sleep. I went for runs when I had barely eaten all day to make room for a big/unknown calorie meal, which first of all made the run miserable (and I used to love running) and also me sick and not even enjoy the meal. I was doing better but still avoiding friends when I used all my calories but was hungry because I didn't trust myself. I was also weighing out bananas and vegetables and nuts like a madwoman, which stressed me out because I stressed that the people I lived with thought I was crazy/vain/obsessive. I left work early some days so I could cook with my scale before anyone came home to judge me. I chose processed foods with calorie counts subconsciously because it was easier, and avoided healthy but fatty foods because I didn't want to use up my allotment.
Anyway.. for the success part. This was only less than a week ago so we shall see how it goes. But I just decided I was done with with the counting. I was tired, I was stressed. And now I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am rediscovering my love of food. I'm trying new, healthy things because it's not a hassle figuring out the calories and if they fit today. I have honestly been eating the same fruit combinations for like 6 months because it's easy to calculate the calories. And this week I'm like... you know what sounds great? Peaches! I haven't had peaches in awhile! And I have no idea how many calories are in a peach and I don't care :) If I'm really hungry after work, I cook a nice dinner. I am actually enjoying cooking! I am exploring what adding this ingredient or that ingredient does without worrying if it will mess up my careful calorie calculations. And I am realizing that I don't really want or need these processed items, I feel great and satisfied eating whole foods, fruits/veggies/eggs/meats. I'm hardly even tempted to go for ice cream or dessert. And ALSO I am still maintaining/losing weight!
At one point I felt that I could never stop counting calories. What was I going to do if I had kids or a family? Carefully allot and weigh my portions out while cooking for the family? Skip family dinner and watch everyone else eat because my calories were used?? To be honest, looking back on this journey, weight loss was tough at times, but mostly fun and exciting. But maintenance...dammit maintenance has been a bitch. And I think I might finally be in a place where I enjoy my diet, and it's something that's healthy and maintainable, around other people, for life :)
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2jRD7Tp
No comments:
Post a Comment