One Last Time

F/5’8” SW: 185 LW: 145 CW: 153 GW: 135

Here we go again.

First I want to thank you all. I started losing weight this time last year, and this sub has been an integral part of the process. I lost 40 pounds in 9 months through CICO, and I was incredibly proud of myself. However, due to emotional issues I started binge eating and drinking in March. Since then, I’ve gained 8 pounds. I know it doesn’t sound like a lot. I know I can lose it and then some. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. But I can’t say I’m not overwhelmingly disappointed and angry with myself. I thought I had overcome my issues with food. I’ve come to realize a lot of my self worth came from my weight loss. Gaining really took a toll on my confidence and caused even more mental health issues. It was a vicious cycle. I’m in therapy now, and working on my body image/food issues. It’s helping some, but I still have a lot of work to do.

Today, I promised myself that I’m going to work on my brain and my body. I’m going to commit to my health again. No more eating to cope. No more drinking to cope. I’m going to allow myself to be uncomfortable. I’m going to sit with sadness, loneliness, boredom, whatever it is. I’m going to force myself to sit with those no-so-nice feelings because they won't kill me. Eating and drinking too much, on the other hand, will kill me. I’m going to be kind to my body by improving the way I feed it, move it and talk to it. I’ll get down to my goal weight eventually, but I’m going to love myself in the process.

So here I am. One last health journey. One last time. I refuse to relive these last few months ever again. This time, I’m going to make lasting changes. I’m going to end up stronger than ever - mentally and physically.

submitted by /u/beanwench
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