From 2015 to 2018, I gained over 100 pounds. I was in law school. I was often tired and unmotivated. I almost flunked out because I had no energy to study. I went from an ambitious, intelligent person who had managed to get into one of the best law schools in the US, to being completely unmotivated and sleeping 12 hours a day. Despite my excessive sleep, I was still constantly tired.
I thought I was just depressed, but I didn’t want to see a doctor about it because I was too ashamed (my mom managed to ingrain in me a sense of shame and fear related to all mental health issues because her own mother was put in an insane asylum for schizophrenia when she was young, and my mom and her siblings had to go into foster care).
When I graduated law school, I immediately had to start studying for the bar. It was extremely difficult because I was so tired. Being tired had become such a way of life that I didn’t even realize how tired and groggy I was. I couldn’t make it through a single Barbri lecture without falling asleep. I couldn’t make my eyes focus on the page when I was reading. I failed the bar the first time, then buckled down and (somehow) passed it the second time. I was still exhausted. But I thought that once I passed the bar, my “depression” would suddenly disappear. It didn’t. In fact, it seemed worse.
My dad has severe sleep apnea, so you would think that I muhht have guessed what was going on. But his symptoms are so much worse than mine. He falls asleep in the middle of a conversation with you. One time he fell asleep in the middle of a conversation while holding a cup of coffee, and spilled it everywhere. He had to get a semi self driving car so that it keeps him in the lane, regulated his speed for him, and vibrates his seat when it feels him fall asleep. My symptoms were nowhere near as bad, so I never thought that I might have it too.
At work, I would have trouble remembering what my boss had just told me. When I went to speak to my boss about something I was working on, I had to write it down verbatim and then read it to him so I wouldn’t forget what I wanted to say. My memory had gotten so bad. On numerous occasions, I seriously contemplated taking a nap on the floor of my office. I often would put my head down to rest my eyes for a few minutes. I wasn’t productive. And I was constantly craving food. It was like the hunger would never go away. I could stuff myself full of food, but my brain was just like, “Nope, you’re still tired! Clearly you need to eat some more to get more energy!” I also was having some hormonal issues. Cystic acne, missed periods, a few whiskers growing on my chin that I hadn’t had before. But again, I thought I was just depressed and that the hormonal changes were due to weight gain, stress, and getting older.
I would have never found out about the sleep apnea if I hadn’t decided to seek out weight loss surgery. My insurance made me get a sleep apnea test before it would consider me for surgery, and I did that a few weeks ago. It turns out I have “mild” sleep apnea, which means I stop breathing in my sleep about once every 6 minutes, which I guess prevents me from having REM sleep because my body keeps waking itself up (unbeknownst to me) to kick start my breathing again.
I started trying to use a CPAP machine last week. It was very difficult and uncomfortable at first, and I have only slept with it for about 3 nights total. But on the nights that I have used it, the difference is remarkable. I feel alert for the first time in years. I don’t feel starving every second of every day. I can easily skip meals and not even think about food. My dieting efforts have become a million times easier. I’m not even sure if I’ll need to go through with the surgery, because my self control is so much better.
So, if you’re overweight, feel tired a lot, feel like you have no self control, and feel like your hormones are out of whack, GET A SLEEP APNEA TEST!
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