I think I'm gonna stop counting calories
This journey of mine has been ongoing for more than a decade now, and the most surprising part of it has been that when I think there's an end, there's always another goal to reach for
Weight loss and a deficit has been hammered into my head for so many years that I didn't know how to stop doing it. I've had the same personal trainer almost four years now, and in that time went from Class II Obesity to Overweight in that time (90lbs down). Now, I say overweight, because for my height (5'5) I'm still technically overweight by 5lbs using the BMI scale. However, my most recent BodPod test results puts me at 23.5% bodyfat, which is pretty great and I'm happy with that and I put myself in the healthy category rather than overweight
My trainer, bless her, puts up with my stubbornness and calls me out on it and rightly so. For months before my test she's been telling me to stop my deficit, maintain, and switch my aesthetic goals and build on that. For the years that we've been working together, she's changed her focus and goals for me so seamlessly that I haven't even noticed, and now I've entered a new phase: maintenance. It's such a scary concept for me. Instead of being in a deficit, I now have to train -- and eat -- for the body that I want. Which means I am hungry all of the time. But you know what else I've noticed? That my body works more efficiently now with the energy I give it. It's difficult to explain but I can feel my body using the energy I give it in such a different way than I did before
So I'm going to give a trial run and do the hardest thing I've had to yet and say goodbye to counting calories. Now, I wasn't completely strict every day, but I did take time to measure out every single thing, every single recipe, weigh and log my foods for the day and plan accordingly. It's a fantastic way to lose weight and to hold yourself accountable and I highly recommend it. But it can also be a source of anxiety for me. It'll even cause me to eat when I'm passed the point of being full because those calories were already logged and accounted for
Now I'm eating when I'm hungry (which is lately all of the time), and not feeling guilty when I don't finish everything on my plate. Eating slowly. Waiting a minute after several bites to see if I need more. Do I need that extra 50g of chicken breast? Can I cook this without oil? Are these enough carbs to get me through a morning 5k?
My entire life I've had terrible behaviors around food, stemming back to childhood when I would hide under the bed and binge eat several candy bars. I'm slowly trying to retrain my brain to eating the way that I should be eating, and for the goals that I want. I'm trying to break free from the guilt of eating
It could be a disaster - I'll revisit it in a month's time. Next week I'm going on a family vacation to London so obviously I'm going to eat more freely (however, my last London trip I lost 3lbs so I'm not entirely worried), but I'm going to try and break free from this last loose end I have and hope I can eat for what my body needs
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