I am 30 years old, a SAHM to a beautifully adventurous almost 18-month-old, and a part-time graduate student working on an online Master’s degree.
Currently I weight 205 lbs. (~93kg). Pre-pregnancy and pre-pandemic (both happened at the same time), I was down to 155 lbs. (~70kg). I am 5’7 and I felt great at 155 lbs. It felt like the right weight for me. At that time I was working part-time, teaching yoga classes after work, and doing 6AM CrossFit classes and then running or lifting on the weekends. I rarely ate out and was able to meal plan and cook 90% of my food.
When the pandemic hit I was in my early first trimester of pregnancy and was traveling with my husband for his cancer treatments (he is doing great now!). We were a sight to behold; my husband tired/sick/exhausted from the surgeries and radiation and me with constant morning sickness. We can laugh about this now.
Needless to say, my 6-7 day a week exercise regimen went out the window when everything closed down and I did not have the gusto to workout at home. The kitchen, which had been my happy place and my refuge, turned into a place I didn’t want to even go into. All the kitchen and food smells just made me sick and vomit. Extreme insomnia stepped in the moment the morning sickness subsided. I ate more because I was awake more. All of this resulted in me being around 215 lbs. (~97.5kg) when I delivered my daughter.
I survived PPD (any of you going through this/have gone through this, I have so much empathy and love for you) and I feel that I have finally escaped its grasp. Sometimes I still face anxiety and OCD but am closer to feeling like my “old self.”
Over the last year I have fallen into a weight loss loop. I will “buckle down” and try to lose weight. But I quickly fall into an unhealthy pattern of eating. Sometimes I do lose a few pounds and then this dark and illogical part of my brain is like “hey, you should try skipping this meal” or “you know what is a good idea? – working out at midnight.” Basically, behaviors that are not healthy or sustainable. Calorie counting is helpful when I feel like I am in a good mental place. However, it becomes almost obsessive when I feel myself slipping (due to stress or lack of sleep).
For those of you that struggle with finding a balance between extremes, how do you do it? Do you have any tips?
I know I can lose weight but it feels like my brain is trudging though a swamp and I can’t access the resources that I have. I feel like if I could just get over this mental hump then I could have a better chance of losing weight in a manner that is healthy and sustainable.
My brain just feels so foggy trying to prioritize being a good Mom and wife, doing my course work, and cleaning/cooking/house stuff. I feel tired and unable to keep up with it all. I am not complaining or feeling pity for myself, just noting that my mental fatigue seems to evoke physical fatigue. There are days when I can feel all the weight that I have gained and I feel ashamed for 1) not being able to stop it from happening and then right into 2) feeling shame for allowing myself to think my weight amounts to self worth, happiness, or that I have been influenced by social norms/expectations.
How do you give yourself grace and self-love without overindulging? How do you suck it up and do the "hard stuff" without going overboard? These are genuine questions.
I’d be lying if I said that I don’t miss the aesthetics of my 155lb self. But more than aesthetics, it was just the way my body felt that makes me want to lose weight. I am okay if I never get back to that number, I just want to feel “healthy” again. That was the first time in my life that I felt "healthy." I want to be able to be active and playful for my daughter in ways that I don’t feel like I can be if I stay at this weight.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/y4C7Ypw
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