There's a lot to unpack here.
I'm 5'7 and 156 pounds. I was 167 pounds in Jan 2022. I saw transformation videos on tiktok and couldn't help but feel like garbage for letting myself go. So, I started a calorie deficit and weight trained 3-4x a week. I lost about 10-11 pounds so far. Do I feel like I did? No. Do people say I look more toned? Yes. Do clothes fit better on me? somehwat but I still feel uncomfortable with my body.
Back story, in 2018, I lost all my weight. I was 140. I had the best body... it was perfect. Flat stomach, toned big glutes, toned body all around. Clothes fit perfect. I actually loved my body. I achieved it through a very STRICT diet. I refused to eat anything from outside except maybe once or twice a month. I wouldn't touch proceesed foods. It was "healthy" but it was unsustainable. I gained all my weight back. I became the heaviest I've ever been on Jan 2022 (167 pounds). I am in law school so I stress eat...especially during exams.
Now that I am taking more flexible apporach (1500-1600 calories, high protein diet, working out), I feel better. However, recently I've been feeling helpless. I compare myself to my 2018 body and feel anger towards myself. I also this week couldn't control my cravings. I ate for nearly 7 days outside of my caloric deficit - burgers, mcdonalds, candies, chocolate (oh the chocolate). I don't know if it is because I am about to get my period or because exam time is coming around.
It also makes me very anxious because my family has always criticized my weight. my mom told me to get blood work done because with the "way i eat, i should be down to 110 pounds" so I must have a "disease". They constantly point out how fat I am. It kills me inside. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. However, I feel like I will never get there unless I behave the way I did in 2018. I'll be honest, to an average person, I have a nice body (I mainly have a stomach and a little bit of back fat). If I wear leggings and a hoodie, nobody can tell. but i can tell. I see it everyday. I feel like I am nearing obesity at times (I know it's probably BDD) but eating bad doesn't help.
I can't help but feel really depressed and hopeless right now - I am literally getting back to my old habits. I was wondering if anyone wanted to comment or share their journey.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2VuEeTv
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