TW: Mentions about mental illness
Sorry for the long post and venting.
During my last semester of university in the fall 2022, certain events happened which triggered severe anxiety and depression (which I was struggling with previously), so I ended up applying for a leave-of-absence and moved back in with my parents last January. I weighed 123lbs (56kg) which was a normal weight for myself at 5’3” (161cm).
Due to my mental health, I really haven’t left my home all year, only going out for important appointments. My activity has decreased significantly since last year and I have access to food at the time, and I started to eat a lot of delivery food. At home 98% of the time I wear baggy/stretchy clothes, so while I was aware I was gaining weight, I never really noticed just how much weight it was. My grandma is the only one in my family who brought up my weight gain to me.
I’m preparing to finally go back to school next week, and was going through my closet and trying on clothes I used to regularly wear. There is a shirt that I used to look really flattering on me, but I could barely squeeze into it when I tried it on today and struggled to get it off. Next, I tried on a skirt with an elastic band I used to love, and noticed how my stomach was spilling over the band. In disbelief, I ran to weigh myself (which I’ve avoided) and was completely shocked… 170lbs (77kg).
In the span of 9 months, I have gained 47lbs.
I’m still in shock at how much weight I have gained in less than a year and ashamed at myself for not being more aware and trying to do something about it. I compared old photos of myself to one I took today and I wouldn’t even be able to recognize that both pictures are me. Now that I’m going back to school, it sounds silly, but I’m embarrassed that people I knew who see me will talk behind my back and judge me for gaining so much weight. It makes me want to stay inside my apartment.
Weight loss for most people simply comes down to CICO and exercise. I know it’s simple as that, but losing all the weight I’ve gained feels so daunting, I feel like I’m staring up a mountain I have to climb. I began Pilates (3x a week) last month at the encouragement of my parents to start being more active, but I know it wouldn’t help me lose weight, so I’m thinking of incorporating cardio… This is going to be long journey.
TLDR: Went from 123lbs (56kg) to 170lbs (77kg) at 5’3” (161cm) in the span of 9 months; feeling kind of ashamed and not sure where to begin my weight loss journey.
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