I had a long-time friend visit me from out of town this week. This friend, like me, is more than 100 lbs overweight. She, like me, lives with multiple weight related/caused health conditions.
The night she arrived, as we were just catching up, I mentioned that I am going through the process of qualifying & preparing for bariatric surgery (hopefully late 2023). I shared that my ultimate weight loss goal is to reach 130, down from my current 260-ish (for context, I'm 5'2")
She became very annoyed and insisted that I would extremely unhealthy & considered "anorexic" if I got anywhere near 150. She said that getting under 200 would be very concerning. This friend is the type who has entirely embraced the fat-positivity movement & argues that anyone can be healthy & happy at any size, that fat is basically a social construct. She argues that if Lizzo & other large women can dance & do sports while being very big, then so can anyone.
I explained that, although it is within the realms of possibilities for a person to be obese & also healthy & active like Lizzo, that is the exception. Most obese people are not athletes or dancers, who train daily & workout regularly to maintain these abilities. Most of the average, ordinary obese folks are not athletes, we are simply, significantly overweight. And although we can see ourselves as beautiful, & do deserve the same respect as anyone else, the average obese person is predisposing themselves to major health complications. Things that we are already experiencing. So it doesn't matter what Lizzo, or others, can do. The point is that I CANNOT DO THESE THINGS. I cannot live my life as I used to or want to. My life has become so small & painful.
None of this was effective, she continues to insist that I try to stay around 200 lbs. Continues to insist that my goals are very unhealthy & acts as though I'm doing something inherently harmful by trying to get to a healthy weight. She insists that, since the BMI standard is outdated, that there really is no objective standard for a healthy weight, so I should just embrace where I am now. Which I think is BS.
Have any of you dealt with this sort of thing, with people who insist that fat=healthy? Who discourage your goals & healthy practices? How do you handle these situations? Especially with people that you love & care about? If it were a stranger, it wouldn't bother me so much. But this is a friend I've had for almost 20 years
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