Disclaimer: This is my first time posting on Reddit. I've browsed this subreddit before and read the posting guidelines but just wanted to mention it in case I commit some faux pas in my post/posting style:)
For context, I'm 23F and have been in an unhealthy relationship for the past few years. I developed pretty severe depression over time which culminated in me quitting my job and slowly ceasing to spend time with friends/family. I ended up struggling with binge drinking. Of course I'm the only one responsible for my own health, but none of this was helped by living with a partner who would always put me down, encourage my unhealthy habits, and discourage me from getting better.
Several months ago, I realized I had gained some weight—I put on a pair of jeans for the first time in months, and I couldn't even button them. I didn't have a scale at the time, so I just measured my waist - it had gone from 23-24" to 29-30". I could also just see and feel how much fat I'd gained. I tried a few times to make some changes, each attempt lasting a maximum of 3 days before I lost all motivation and became even more depressed.
I finally left that relationship. Then a week ago, I decided to give this another go. By "this" I don't just mean fat loss, but completely repairing my physical health, mental health, and lifestyle. I bought a scale and weighed myself for the first time in years. I was shocked when I weighed in at 165 lbs; the highest I'd ever weighed in at before this was 145, typically fluctuating between 125-140 no matter how I ate (it was higher when I was more focused on lifting, and lower when I was doing more cardio). I had been expecting 5-10 lbs of weight gain, not 20-30. And then when I was exercising (first time in over a year), I realized how much strength and endurance I had lost—that I can't quantify, but it's pretty significant.
At first I was upset by these things, but I decided to reframe those thoughts and use it as motivation. I haven't been exercising as much as I'd like to, but I am trying to get a little better each day. I've mostly given up alcohol and am trying to reduce my intake each day. Whole foods are gradually becoming a larger and larger part of my diet, and I'm trying to eat more mindfully. I'm no longer going to bed at 3 AM, but at 8-9 PM (which has made a world of a difference).
Today, I weighed in at 160 lbs. I know probably 90% of that is water weight, but it's motivating to see. Maybe TMI, but I'm also menstruating—women's weights tend to fluctuate (rather predictably) throughout the menstrual cycle, with weight typically being highest during menses, and maybe this is strange but I find that even more encouraging. My waist size is down to 28", I have slightly more energy, and for the first time in months this seems possible. A week ago, I was unsure that I could do this; today, I'm sure I can. This is the longest period of time that I've been able to stick to a weight loss/health "plan" since realizing I gained weight, and that in itself is encouraging me. I'm feeling less depressed and anxious than I have in a very long time, despite this being the time of the month where I'm usually most depressed/anxious. These victories aren't the biggest or most tangible, but they feel major to me.
Up next is applying/interviewing for jobs, becoming completely abstinent from alcohol for at least a year, quitting vaping, spending more time with family/friends, reducing my screen time, getting back into the sports and hobbies I once loved, and continuing to incorporate more healthy habits/becoming more consistent about the habits I've already incorporated.
If anyone is wondering how I'm going about my weight loss, I'm eating around 1200-1500 calories/day and doing light cardio daily and bodyweight strength training 2x/week (that's all I can handle right now; I used to be able to run for miles and lift quite heavy, but this is what being sedentary and eating unhealthily for a year or two does to you haha). I'm tracking my food in Cronometer; I like it because it seems quite accurate and it helps me ensure I'm getting enough of all my micronutrients. My macros are 40% protein all month, and then 35-40% carbs/20-25% fat during the follicular phase of my cycle and 25-20% carbs/35-40% fat during the luteal phase of my cycle (women tend to utilize carbs for fuel at rest during the follicular phase and fat during the luteal phase). I also plan on incorporating occasional fasts after a few months, not for weight loss but for the overall health benefits.
This last part is just for me so that I can look back at this post in a few months to a year and see how far I've come:
- SW - 165
- CW (1 week) - 160
- GW - 127 (I want to get down to 127ish through diet and light-to-moderate exercise, then raise my calories and begin to focus more on strength training to get back up to 135-150 with muscle mass)
ps Sorry for the long post; if you read this far, thank you. I'm hoping that in posting this and going back to look at it, I'll be better able to keep myself accountable and motivated. I also hope that this might somehow inspire anyone else who can relate to these sorts of mental/motivational struggles.
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