At Almost 40 - Do These Body Issues Ever End??

This is a new account for this post.

I'm a regular lurker of Lose It but I'm struggling. First my stats: 39F, 5'3", 168 lbs. My highest weight, about 10 years ago, was 172. I lost 30 lbs and really can't remember how. It wasn't drastic and just seemed to happen over a period of time with some not too extreme changes. Since then, I've slowly put a couple lbs back on at a time.

Over the past year - 18 months, it's just gone to hell. I've gained 10+ lbs, I can't seem to stop secretly eating junkfood. I can't get back into a regular exercise routine. At the end of every month I journal and set goals for the next month. Every weekend I say "I'm starting Monday!". Every night in bed, I tell myself "Tomorrow!"

So now, I am 2 months away from my 40th birthday and a big group of friends are going to an all-inclusive resort down south. I've never gone on a trip like this before and I'm still surprised I ever agreed to it lol. Like many women, I've struggled with body image issues my whole life and the idea of a full week basically in a swimsuit was enough for a hard 'NO' from me. I honestly can't believe I'm about to turn 40 and still feeling this! When planning this trip last year, I had envisioned myself losing the weight I'd gained and going there feeling like a rockstar. Then at Christmas I figured, "ok, get serious in the new year and I'll still have 5 months to make real progress!" Now it's two months out and I'm pissed that I'm going to have to buy all new summer clothes because nothing I have fits, that I'll be uncomfortable in my body the whole time. I'm not even looking forward to this trip anymore, when the idea of getting away from this Canadian winter should be sustaining me these days lol.

So my goal now is to lose 10 lbs before this trip, as sensibly as possible. I'm really not a fad dieter or given to extremes when it comes to weight loss. I don't even have a real ultimate goal weight. My attitude (that I tell myself and others anyway) is if I'm eating healthy 80% of the time and am active to a level I can maintain, then whatever my weight is, it is. But the problem is I'm nowhere close to living by that philosophy. I honestly hate that I'm feeling like this about my body! And I hate that women scrutinize themselves like this anyway so I don't talk about this to friends, hence this anonymous online vent. Thanks for listening! :)

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