Monday, March 9, 2020

Emotionally I can’t begin to loseit

Parts of this may seem off topic so I apologize, but it all comes together at the end.

I’m currently at a point where I know I’m overweight (35m, 6’2, 255lbs) but for specific heartbreaking reasons I just cant bring myself to want to diet or workout, it seriously makes me want to cry. I’ll give you all some backstory so you’ll understand my shitty dilemma.

My wife has always been a semi health conscious person, and always into new fad diets, I’ve never really much been into any of that, when we got together 14years ago I was just a typical computer geek kinda guy (I was probably 220lbs back then). But as we got older and had three kids she slowed down on the diets and fitness til a couple years ago when she became obsessed with orange theory gym and some other spin class gym, she was hitting it hard and shedding weight.. she would make comments to me like “I want to experience being with someone who’s fit, you’ve never been in good shape I really wish you’d work out”

Well 6 months into that foray she traveled back to our home state by herself to visit family and ended up sleeping with one of her old fwb from before me and her started dating. (there was an extended affair via txting and facetime etc which started when she first started going hard on the weight loss) Her affair was not an accident and I found that she planned the whole affair out in detail.. The thing is, she also slept with the same guy while we were engaged and I didn’t find out til midway thru our marriage, to which I thought we were trying to work through that one (vow renewals, counseling, and since we were only engaged then, and now we have the kids and love for each other and all that)... Its been 17 months since the out of town affair and so far it’s getting easier trying to forgive her because I do love her, I don’t want to be a part time dad, and I want to believe it was a mistake she regrets etc etc, however it’s never easier it just becomes numb in my memory.

how I found out and the emotional drama that ensued after the discovery is too off topic for this sub, feel free to PM me, but we’re trying to move on from it.

but here’s my ultimate quandary...

That guy she chose to cheat on me with is some jacked dude who power lifts professionally and is constantly working out and eating healthy and dieting etc.

So when I think about my own weight loss now, these horrible memories creep back in and I become pissed and decide fuck working out and fuck eating healthy.. that’s what the other guy does and I’m not going to give in and be like that douche, or try to be some mirage of myself she wishes I would be. Literally every time I think about starting a weight loss or fitness journey that’s all I can think about and it hurts and makes me sad, to the point I just say fuck it. It does not help she’s now on her peloton bike all the time and starting new fad diets all of a sudden and wanting me to do it all with her, I’m feeling lost

But am I overthinking this? How do I overcome this shitty attitude I have towards dieting and working out when I’ve been hurt by it emotionally in a way :(

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