So, a couple years ago I was at my lowest weight ever, and to be fair, I think I took it to an extreme and should have stopped the cut earlier. Back in January 2021 i started MFP for the first time, and I was eating 1450 calories every day. I was scared i would overeat so I tracked everything. Like i put in my omega 3 capsules and things like gum. But I also was working out 5x/week, and didn’t want MCP to overestimate how many calories I burned. So my deficit was definetely too big. I was thinking about food way too much, i lost my period for 3 months, but I was not even seeing any of these things at the moment. I was also super stressed out with a bunch of things that were happening that summer. And in a way, being able to control the food became something I could control, in a lot of ways one of the only things I could control. I didn’t realize my eating behaviour was becoming disordered, until it swung back big time. I know the term starvation mode is overused, etc., but the only way I could describe to myself what happened was that my body was literally in starvation mode. The reason I say that is because I vacate super fixated on food. Still counting calories etc., but never feeling satisfied. And then the binging began. I developed BED. At the end of the year until April 2022 I was free from it, but then I relapsed and have been battling on and off with it. Struggling pretty badly again since January. I decided to not care about restricting food and just focus on my mental health for a while, but it’s hard. I don’t know what the best thing to do is. I am worried about my mental and physical health. I still try to maintain my healthy habits as much as I can but I am back to my pre-weight loss weight. According to BMI I am back in the overweight BMI category, and I see and feel the difference. I used to be so much fitter. Now I cannot do the workouts like I used to. I have to pause and do them at my own pace. I am disappointed, unsatisfied with my body, and not sure how to change it. I want change. But I’m also terrified bc of my ED history. Has anyone gone through this? How did you get out? I am so sick and tired of this. It’s the weight, it also all the other things that are in my way now. I just want to be healthy, mentally and physically.
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