So after several YEARS of trying to beat my binge eating habits and trying to lose weight but utterly failing to do so, I was finally somehow able to adjust my eating habits/lifestyle and lose about 10-12 pounds during the past six months. i am only 5’2 and started at 120 pounds (I know this is a healthy weight , but very unflattering weight for my body type and frame) it was painstaking and horrible because my maintenance calorie intake was already low. i was only able to do this through stringent calorie tracking/walking 15k steps a day along with a solid motivator for me which was my vacation with friends during mid-May //as I’m sick and tired of feeling insecure due to my body and just wanted to feel confident during a dream vacation. Post vacation , I’ve fallen back into detrimental eating habits; as soon as I wake up in the morning, I’m grabbing at random food in the pantry whether it’s bags of cereal, leftover curry in the fridge, snack bars, bags of chips, even things I don’t even like- I’ll just impulsively eat it , keep eating until there isn’t any more, and then continue scavenging and indulging to the point that I am so uncomfortably full and nauseous (I don’t buy these things, but I currently live with family so it is inevitable for food to always be on hand)
The worst part is that I gain some semblance of understanding and guilt for eating so much but once the imminent nausea has cleared a bit, I’ll just keep repeat this process of a few hours later. It’s just been constant cycles of binging and regret. I really don’t know what happened to whatever self-control I worked so hard to attain and develop over the past year, but it’s hard not to feel absolutely crushed and discouraged by these recent eating habits I’ve brought back into my life. I find that once a binge has started, it seems to absolutely jumpstart my appetite into overdrive and I’ll have cravings the rest of the day. It’s disgusting and unhealthy, and I haven’t eaten proper vegetables/protein/nutrient dense meals for the past few weeks due to this constant stream of snacking and eating 800-1000 cal over maintenance everyday. It’s been two weeks and I can’t help but feel crushed and absolutely horrendous about myself- the new clothes I bought myself are too snug now and I can no longer see the progress that I made on my body.
I don’t know about ya’ll but on top of feeling embarrassed/horrible about the erasure of so much of my progress, my body image also severely impacts my sense of self worth and quality of life (it’s terrible and unhealthy and a horrible way of dictating your life, but it’s heavily ingrained).. I was fantasizing about spending the summer with friends, feeling confident, wearing cute things, and work on myself in other ways after finally being able to tackle my binge eating. Instead, I’m locking myself in, being less productive, and feeling helpless in my inability to control myself.
I guess this post is for the purpose of venting out my thoughts and feelings. I apologize for the negativity. If there is anyone who can relate to my situation or has experienced similar, it would be helpful to hear. I’m kind of lost and feeling like I’ve reached a point where I’ve lost faith in myself and don’t know how to proceed. I probably haven’t gained every pound back (I’m also too scared to weigh myself) and I can probably work to reverse this.. I think I’m at this precarious point where i need to make changes now, but I just don’t know how or what to do
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/mTXMdfA
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