I started out this journey 2.5 months ago when I realized enough was enough. I talked to my friends about needing to lose weight and have slowly started going to the gym, eating better, etc. I started out at 275 lbs (5’7”, F, early 20s), and am currently sitting at 259. I know 16 pounds in 2.5 months isn’t a ton, but I’ve been struggling with discipline in my diet, so I’m happy with an overall downward trend as I try and handle the setbacks.
The challenge I’m having right now is how low my self esteem is. I was up to 275 lbs, my absolute fattest, but at 16 lbs lighter I feel fatter than ever. Looking in the mirror I’ve really realized how obese I am/look; it’s like I’m seeing me from everyone else’s perspective for the first time. I see all the markers of a morbidly obese person; double chin, huge belly, big arms/thighs/hips. I don’t like the way I look in almost all my clothes. And after being in the gym I’m really noticing how my fatness affects my daily movements and how uncomfortable being this big is, especially with so much weight in my stomach.
Pretty much, I feel worse than I did before. Even when I thought I hit rock bottom at 275 lbs, it’s nothing compared to the disappointment I’m feeling in myself right now.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? I think it might have something to do with coming out of denial about my size. Maybe now that I’m working toward losing weight I’m finally able to see the hard truth about my body because even 16 pounds lighter I’m still so big and so insanely far from my goals.
My fear is that these feelings will seriously derail my weight loss journey. I don’t want to start feeling bad and turning back to food as a coping mechanism (how I got into this situation in the first place!). Does anyone have any advice for managing self image during weight loss? Being realistic about my situation without hating every look at my body?
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