Long story I apologize in advance...if you make it through...THANK YOU
In the beginning of 2014 I weighed my highest at the time of 268. I was aided by a weight loss company with phentermine, weekly lipo injections and weigh ins as well as a lower carb/high protein diet and I lost over 90 pounds in less than a year. I worked out every morning, I was a stay at home mom so was able to juggle gym, food and life and I felt the most amazing I had ever felt as I had been highly overweight my entire life.
2015 came and I started a job at 4 am so that knocked out my early workouts and then my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Taking care of her, working 25 hrs a week, homeschooling my kids I was exhausted. Depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Since then, I took care of my mom, every chemo and radiation, every dr visit, managed her meds...juggling everything I let myself go back. 2019 came in and just annihilated me. In February I found my mom unresponsive again and called an ambulance. She was put on life support and it was touch and go until she came to. We decided to go with hospice and man, it was the hardest 4 months of my life. She needed care 24/7 as she broke both of her femurs and due to the cancer she would not heal, she also did not have use of her hands due to neuropathy and her hands literally bent inward and we’re stuck like that. I was extremely close to my mom and cared for her along with a neighbor/family friend so she could die in her home. The terminal agitation she went through broke me, the rollercoaster was the ride from hell itself. She passed away June 2019. During that time I came home and found my brother (he lived with me) dead. He was only 40 years old. My mom was only 61.
To add more insult to injury, my daughter was put in the psych ward for suicide plans by her therapist. 2019 literally chewed me up and spit me out. I survived by the grace of God but have a lot of healing that we all are continuing to do. It’s just me, my husband, my two girls and my dad and an uncle.
I look at my mom and she was my best friend and my brother he loved me with everything he had. I still have my husband and my daughters and I just cannot put them through any more hell by not taking care of myself anymore. I love them too much to hurt them. I may not have health issues now but 61...40...that is too young!!! I turn 39 next week... I have to get my act in gear. I topped out at 289 in July. Since then I have lost 30 pounds but the first holidays without them hit harder than anticipated. I’ve only gained a few pounds back but it has to stop there. I’m determined. I promised my mom I’d focus on me...and the year I will.
I’m not doing phentermine but am attempting lower carb as that does work. Dirty Keto more so. I set up accountability and I am not looking back. Isaiah 43:18-19 forget the former things...do not dwell on them...I am making a new thing and making a new way.
Again thank you if you made it through. I look forward to this community and the motivation/support for each other
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