I (F 55, 5ft 7in, 205 lbs) have reached at point where losing weight is an absolute necessity.
I have several health conditions that are made worse by carrying extra pounds - sleep apnea, high blood pressure, chronic pain, elevated factor IX levels, etc. I recently was diagnosed with early stage endometrial cancer and had a total hysterectomy this past Friday. I have been informed by my gynecological oncologist that a cancer diagnosis predisposes me to developing cancer again as does being overweight so weight loss is essential.
Here's the problem: I live with chronic treatment-resistant depression and anxiety. A lot of the weight gain was due to unaddressed chronic pain that started when I was pregnant 15+ years ago but a lot of the weight is there because of depression and self destructive thoughts and feelings.
Simply put, on an emotional level I don't want to exist and an early death seems fine and dandy to me. Of course, early death as a result of obesity related health conditions is a pretty miserable and painful way to go, so on a conscious level I don't want that.
I have tried just about every known treatment out there for my treatment resistant depression. Currently, I am doing ketamine infusion therapy once a month, which has been tremendously effective for all but the most stubborn feelings of depression. I'm also aware that losing the weight may be very helpful in treating the depression in and of itself so there are plenty of good mental health reasons to pursue weight loss. That said, that part of me that wants to not exist has definitely thrown up a huge roadblock for me, because in my head weight loss = longer life and longer life = prolonged mental suffering.
I don't want to put my loved ones through watching me slowly deteriorate due to self-neglect. Morally speaking, having them bear witness to me allowing my health to deteriorate to the point of death would be monstrously selfless and unforgivable.
Do any of you have experience in working against depression and conscious self-destructive thinking to successfully lose the weight? Is a medically supervised weight loss program the answer?? Your advice is much appreciated.
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