Hi everyone,
I found this subreddit, and I'm posting here for supprt. Give this a read if you have the time.
So, this is my story
I have struggled with my weight since childhood, but as I was quite active, I never really felt it much. The way i dealt with being obese was by developing a defense mechanism of being extremely good at making fun of someone whenever anyone called me fat. As I got older, I realized that me being mean was just driving people away from me, and it was a deflection from the real problem, i.e., how I felt about myself.
I was around 100 kg (220 lbs) by 16, and by 21, I was around 138 kg (305 lbs). After which I remained a bit steady but I was really tired of being fat and I developed some insecurities. I realized that I couldn't hide behind my defenses forever. During that time, I was really disgusted by myself. I hated who I was, and I was frankly tired of myself.
I felt insecure about doing anything, I felt that I would be judged for anything I do. I was also scared asking girls out. In my mind, no one would want to go out with me because I felt like I deserved no one.
When I was 22, I finally reached a point where i was just tired and disgusted by myself, and I made up my mind to start losing weight. I lost weight at a steady state, and in 6 months, I lost around 20 kgs (44 lbs), which reached around 118kg (260 lbs). I was finally happy.
I finally felt good for the first time in my life. I was losing weight. I put on significant muscle mass. I got a girlfriend. I had just graduated with my bachelor's, and I had incredible offers from elite universities as well as quite high paying job offers. I was finally happy.
But my happiness did not last long, I had to move abroad to pursue my masters. I had chosen a Canadian university to continue my studies, and when I was about to leave, my gf broke up with me at the same time I was extremely stressed out and anxious about the move as well.
Once I moved to another country, I felt really alone. Because of a number of factors and loneliness after 6 months abroad, I was diagnosed as clinically depressed. During this time, I started binge eating, and I started putting on a lot of weight. After 2.5 years, I reached 144 kgs (318 lbs). I lost all the progress I made in the past. Luckily, I got out of my depression with some therapy.
Recently, I restarted my weight loss journey, and I've only done it for a week. With just diet, I lost 1.5 kgs, I'm around around 142 kgs (314 lbs).
Today was a really hard day, I felt incredibly sad that I got this fat. I felt really bad about who I was as well. I really wanted to give up, but I got through it. But I really don't have the confidence that I'll continue, and I will be consistent. I have no idea why I am even posting this or what I even expect from this. I just feel like shit and I thought I would share it here.
Thanks for reading till the end.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/SKlJD0y
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