I always teeter back and forth between weight loss and weight gain. Once covid hit I ballooned to the biggest I have ever been. Fast forward to a few months ago: I decided to start exercising and dieting. I have lost 26 lbs/12kg so far and thought: YES! This is the answer! But I noticed that I still don't feel happy in my body, even after making great progress.
My body is disproportionate, I have huge knockers and a small toosh. I am really self conscious about this and losing the weight has made this difference much more obvious. It doesn't help that my partner is a self-proclaimed "ass man" and I sometimes catch him checking out other girls' ginormous behinds. I can see his eyes shift downward, then look away, ohhh and then look back for a double take. In that moment I feel so dejected and think "damn, when I had more weight on me at least I had more of an ass."
I feel like I know what I need to do. Things like give myself positive affirmation, remind myself that I am losing weight for myself/my long term health, get therapy... It's just so hard. I feel like every morning I wake up with 2 fighting dogs, one is named Anxiety and the other Serenity. I feel like lately I have been feeding Anxiety more and that dog is winning the fight every day.
Therapy is probably the best route but the ones that accept my insurance only have telehealth visits. I've tried to do telehealth visits in the past with 3 different therapists and I just couldn't. I don't have a dedicated space where I can be alone and it reminds me too much of work meetings. Anyways... excuse my rambling. Does the loseit community have any tips for me?
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