I'm halfway to my goal, but my progress has halted for the last couple of months because of other life factors and other things that I had to prioritize for a short time (med school applications that I'd put off by stressing myself constantly about weight loss). Anyway, I just had a med school interview today which I was very happy about, and I've been doing 1200 calories all week after starting to get back on track to losing again and decided to have today as a cheat day. It was a very draining day and I wanted to be able to relax and have wine with my family. I also wasn't able to even eat until late afternoon, so I didn't eat a lot anyway. My dad took a picture earlier in which I was in the background, and when I saw the picture, I was disgusted with how I looked. Just completely repulsed. I never took pictures of myself at my highest weight because I hated how I looked, and seeing how my face looks even now, 20 pounds down and halfway to my goal, just completely horrified me. There was so much fat under my chin and my face looked so round and just unrecognizable to me. It's probably just an unflattering photo too because I've had other photos of myself the last couple of days that look nothing like that, but I just wanted to cry. I was really skinny for my whole life up until about a year ago due to antidepressants. However, I just realized that, even at 95 pounds, I always found something wrong with my face and hated how I looked in photos. I still need to lose the next 20 pounds, but I'm realizing that losing them won't make any difference if I can't also learn to love myself. If I can't learn to do that, I'm still going to hate how I look, just for different reasons. Learning how to be kind to myself might be tougher than losing the weight, and it's a lot less straightforward. I truly don't know where to start.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3no8ujD
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