This is sort of long, but I promise is it weight- loss related!
I’m a nurse, so I wear scrubs to work. Up until Dec of 2020 I rotated through the same pairs- I certainly had my favorites and some that were more snug than others (read: all of them by Dec 2020). I was working on a Covid unit, finishing my Master’s degree, and struggling with mental health problems (including a wildly progressing drinking problem) and I really reached a breaking point by the end of the calendar year of 2020.
In Dec 2020 I unfortunately reached a point where my drinking problem was so out of control that I was caught at work. It was absolutely a bottom- I can’t believe I was struggling to a point where I could have potentionally put my patient in danger, thankfully I didn’t and nobody got hurt.
What this means is I am now monitored by the nursing board in my state (understandably)- I had to take the entire last year off from clinical practice while being monitored monthly. I am also now over a year sober and extremely grateful to be sober.
To physically remove myself from drinking I had to go to detox, then rehab. When I returned home I allowed myself to just eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted because I was solely focused on staying sober. Prior to getting sober I already had weight I wanted to lose- I had easily gained about 40lbs over the decade prior (mostly in the 5 years prior with full time work/school/ non stop drinking/stress). Allowing myself to eat whatever I want meant I added another 30lbs in 3 months. Truly I was eating entire bags of Hershey’s Kisses (and unwrapping each and every one) every single day (my husband doesn’t understand why this was my chocolate of choice but whatever).
My actions and the resulting time away from clinical practice led me to analyze my own behavior. I could see how I had long been using food for comfort and to fill the same void that I used alcohol for. At about 6 months of sobriety (and a lot of therapy later) I finally felt mentally and physically stable enough to start taking some steps towards small goals in my life. I hit a point when walking my dog down the street where I felt winded from walking two blocks. I also felt horrible in my own body, lethargic, and unsexy. I had hypertension and an elevated A1C which was creeping up. I had also just turned 30. I decided I wanted to intentionally lose some weight.
I joined a weight loss program I had seen a friend have success on—Real quick disclaimer: I did NOT realize it was an MLM, I did this program for a month before realizing what it was about. Once I realized, I quit the program- but what I did take with my was a bit of initial success and some motivation. I also found the idea of eating small meals throughout the day appealing. SO- I joined this sub! And r/volumeeating and r/1500isplenty ! And I joined a fantastic MLM-free Facebook group. And I learned about my TDEE and installed MyFitPal on my phone and began eating at a sustainable calorie deficit.
What really seemed to work for me was eating about every 2-3 hours. I found low-calorie, protein-dense snacks that I ate with frequency throughout the day and then made a larger, veg & lean protein-heavy dinner. I also let myself have things from time to time if I went out for a special dinner or went to a wedding or just wanted a bowl of ice cream (though tbh NICK’S ice cream is an incredible low-cal ice cream substitute I can recommend enough).
Anyway this week I finally got to go back to clinical practice. It was hugely emotional for me. Dealing with the nursing board was a doozy, getting sober was a doozy, but losing weight ended up being one of the more empowering parts of the past year for me. I don’t think I could’ve done it without realizing I had the discipline I had to do the other parts of the year, if that makes sense.
Anyway, I went to the basement to grab the scrubs I’d packed away a year ago - and low & behold- every single pair literally fell off. Even pulling the drawstrings as far as they would go looked comical. This is the best problem I’ve had in a long time and I am so, so grateful.
If you’ve taken the time to read this far, thanks. Keep going 💪🏼
(IWNDWYT)
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