After losing 50+ lbs & training others, I walked away from the fitness industry & regained everything & so much more... Now that I WFH & nobody sees me, I can't find that motivation & discipline again because it's like what's the point? Which is stupid. Help.

In my younger days I worked super hard and lost 50+ lbs and 5 sizes. I switched careers and joined the health and fitness industry - I was the one motivating others. I absolutely loved it at the time, but would never go back. And I couldn't even if I wanted to, because after dealing with a ton of trauma and medical issues over the last 5 years, I've gained 100 lbs... I'm mortified just writing that. Of course, once the weight started piling on I switched careers and now wfh full time (something I know I am privileged to do) as a 10-99 contractor; meaning it's just me - no coworkers or boss to see... However, because of the pandemic and being high risk, I do not go anywhere or see anyone other than my husband, and I don't think that will change for some time. I also deactivated all my social media accounts for my mental health because of all the divisiveness stemming from 2020, so literally - nobody sees me. The few friends I do talk to are into HAES and don't want to hear about weight loss, health accountability, or anything mentioned in this sub. I don't have any family other than my husband, who is very into fitness (even now) and used to work in the fitness industry as well.

I know I'm vain and that people seeing the physical changes in me once motivated me like no other (I love makeup and fashion - I love to look good, damn it!), but now it's like I'm a completely different person and none of it inspires me anymore. I also know I should do it for my health, but I don't. This sub is the first "group" I've turned to in 5 years because I had to walk away from the toxicity of the fitness industry. Yes, I have depression from the trauma over the last few years but I see a therapist biweekly now & it's gotten a lot better. How do I get out of this rut so I can lose this massive amount of weight I've gained and not hate my body? I wish that was motivation enough, but it's not. I miss being disciplined, but with each passing day it's like, "Welp, tomorrow." I live in my robe. Help.

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