Monday, January 3, 2022

Therapy homework

Hi all

I have 15-20 lbs left in my weight loss journey. I know I have family issues. I know they’re all bonkers and the one comment that keeps replaying in my head is my aunt who gets meaner every year at thanksgiving saying how I look great but I’m gonna gain it all back and then some. I know how I gained the weight-knee injury and a shoulder surgery on a previously athletic personality and a very short frame! I’ve loved my body every step of the way because I can walk and hold things that I couldn’t do before and the less stress on my injuries the happier I feel.

But I haven’t been ok since thanksgiving. I feel this compulsive need to prove that I can do it to spite her and it’s actually turning into the opposite, where I’m being way more relaxed with my diet than ever in this journey.

Any negative family interaction since then and I feel driven to eat like never before.

So I’m going back through my therapy journals and trying to return to that state of gratitude I was thriving in.. and having done so I came across this text:

***Individuals who were raised in a family where their parents invalidated their views or feelings are more likely to binge and purge or have other disordered eating behaviors. If your family put a lot of emphasis on achievement and success and the need to control one’s emotions, you may have used compulsive exercise as a way of regulating your emotions

I feel like this statement captures my whole food journey and puts this new development into perspective. I’m not ok but I will be and it’s nice to feel validated.

I hope someone else will feel this paragraph as hard as I did today ❤️

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