Monday, February 17, 2020

Day 1 - I need to lose about 200 lbs from 318 lbs - Feel like giving up already

So, today is my day 1 of weight loss. Ha! I really think that I'm just kidding myself. These last 2 years I've been saying, "tomorrow the diet is on!" Or, "right, on Monday, it's definitely on!" Expect it never is.

I'm not saying this is a reason, but I've been struggling with my mental health for quite a long time now and no one has helped me deal with my OCD, anxiety (both GAD and social) and depression. I thought I may have a binge eating disorder, but apparently I don't, even though I fit all the symptoms of the disorder. I'm thinking of getting a private diagnosis, but then the NHS might not help me. I had an eating disorder assessment with the NHS, but they did a " thorough" assessment and said, "nope! It's not an eating disorder, it's your mental health!"

However, there's an obesity clinic in Cambridge that are willing to help me. There's no surgery involved (which is awesome), but it's going to take about a month to get the funding to do so.

Link to the obesity clinic: https://www.cuh.nhs.uk/addenbrookes-hospital/services/obesity-services

But something is making me worry. My family are going on holiday this year where there's a massive theme park. Of course, to get into the rides at the theme park, you have to be able to fit in the rides. But I don't currently fit into them. We're going on holiday in July and I feel the pressure is on. If I don't lose this weight, then everyone gets to have fun and I don't. I don't think it's fair. What do I do when I constantly crave food? I honestly just feel like I'm destined to be this morbidly obese person who's never allowed to enjoy anything ever again.

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