So, yesterday I grabbed a coffee with a friend of mine. When we got to choose what to have, she asked me if I wanted a piece of cake to share. I refused apologizing and saying that I was trying to lose weight, and she told me that she was trying that too, but today just felt like to cheat.
At that point, I automatically, I swear to you, automatically told her "Oh c'mon, you don't need to lose weight!", without even thinking about it. And she replied "You don't need it either!".
Now, I'm not obese, but I clearly need to lose some weight, and it's crystal clear to everyone who knows me since more than a year, which she happens to. There's no point in denying it, I put on something like 10 kg since my best physical form, it shows a lot and trying to lose that weight is the best thing I can do for myself, this is not fat shaming. She, on the other end, is definitely not overweight, and actually a very attractive girl, or at least I do like her a lot.
But.
We said each other the same exact thing. Automatically, I'm pretty sure that's true for her as well.
Why?
Now that I think about it, I said it because as soon as she mentioned her weight loss, I felt uncomfortable and my mind, subconsciously, was like: "Okay, now what. I don't want her to think that I think she's fat!". Just that. Simply, I didn't want to hurt her feelings, in a way or another, and I'm sure that I would automatically reply the same to everyone mentioning their weight loss to me, just automatically, without really thinking about it.
Now, it did bother me when she told me I didn't need to lose weight. I felt like my effort wasn't being appreciated, and I read about the same feeling a lot in this sub. But now wait, what if she felt the same? Thinking about it, statistically, it is very very much likely that she was feeling the same. And, hey, it's her weight loss! I'm sure she's at a healthy weight, but she's clearly not starving herself nor too thin, so what do I care if she wants to lose weight? It's her choice, as well as it's mine for my weight loss, period.
But I didn't want to make her feel this way, I actually wanted the opposite! And I'm sure she did as well, too. So, I leave you with two points:
- Maybe, most of the time that we feel uncomfortable about other people reactions/comments about our weight loss, it's just them trying to be nice, and we may make other people feel the same, involuntarily.
- That being said, how to go past this? What could be the best way to talk about each other's weight losses, without making anyone feel either fat- or skinny- shamed?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2vCecsy
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