Hi there, this is my very first reddit post. I usually just lurk around and never comment or post. But I want to lose weight. And even if no one reads this, I want to put this out in to the world and hope that since I've made the public commitment to losing weight, that I will be motivated to do so.
So I am a 21 year old female. I weigh 265(yikes) and I'm 5'6. I have been overweight/ obese/ fat, whatever you want to call it, since I can remember. I've always been the biggest in the group and still am. In my last two years of high school, I joined a gym and finally started to see some progress. I was probably a bit too obsessed with going to the gym. I was going every single day for anywhere from 1 to 3 hours. I was just doing some cardio and then I got into weightlifting. I started to see progress and loved going to the gym. I was also drinking a gallon of water a day and I was a vegetarian. I was losing weight and gaining muscle. I wasn't too focused on weighing myself, but I did like to take measurements. When I got to college my progress was halted and reversed. I lost my rhythm. And I gained the weight back and then some, My third year of college, I decided to get serious again about losing weight and was once again seeing progress. The pants that I couldn't even get over my thighs were actually falling off! I was getting somewhere. This year I had planned to keep going to the gym and lose the weight slowly but steadily. COVID hit and it threw me out of whack. (I am sure it threw all of us out of whack, but as far as my weight loss journey is concerned, this was a major set back for me). I gained I want to say about 40 pounds. I was at a steady 220Ibs, and all of my hardwork has been undone. I have gotten to the point where I can't sleep because my fat is so suffocating to me.
I have serious discipline issues. Not being home actually made it easier for me to lose weight. My mother makes hearty food and insists we eat all of the food on the plate(s) she serves us. In high school we were fighting every single day because I would not eat meat and was staying away from carbs as much as I could. My family, my two younger siblings, and my parents are at healthy weights. It's just me that's obese. My parents are a little chubby but they're in their 50s and I think thats ok. I know I said my mom makes hearty meals, but we for the most part, used to eat very healthy. We never really had any junk food or sodas at the house and rarely ate out. So in the past, it was really just me struggling with portion sizes. However, as of 4 years ago, when I went to college, unhealthy snacks have made their way into my home. I commute but I had long days where I was pretty much not home other than to sleep. I have brought up the issue to my parents, telling them that I lack self control and if I see something, I will most likely eat it . They tell me to just not. No, they don't understand that I cannot just not eat what I see. I have also stopped going to the gym for obvious reasons and I only walk maybe up to a mile a day, but the calories I intake are far greater and that one mile does nothing for me.
I'm so sorry this is so long and most likely not even making sense. It's late night and I've had a long day. Essentially, I know that I need to be more active. I know I struggle with self- discipline and portion sizes, but my home life makes it very difficult for me to restrict myself. If I don't see it, I don't want it. But when my mom serves us food, on very big plates mind you, I just have to eat it all. She insists we eat everything she serves, but even if she didn't I would force myself to because that's just how I am. I was able to "fight" her when I was in high school, but it is so much more harder now that I'm stuck at home. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I don't even care about being pretty, I just want to be healthy. I'm tired of being fat. I just don't know where to start. I've tried getting up to walk in the mornings and I've only been able to do that 2 times a week. I do drink more water, but I still snack during the day. I sneak out and eat fast food at night.
I'm embarrassed to be typing this. I am ashamed and disgusted with myself that I let myself go this bad. I know that quarantine is hard, but it's ridiculous that I gained 40Ibs and seem so slowly gain more. I have been stuck at 260-265 since June. I'm hoping that I will finally get a move on on this. Maybe making an instagram will help keep me responsible too. Like a private account? where I post pictures of myself each week? I just think I need help holding myself accountable.
If you're still reading, I want to sincerely thank you. I know it's a long post. So thank you for sticking around!
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