tw// past ed-like behaviour, fat shaming (idk if it is), low self-worth (?)
tldr: how do you overcome fear of weight loss journey?
i'm 21 and have been overweight/obese for most of my life; i'm about 5'0 and for the past few years i've weighed between 70-80kg, i have rolls on my stomach and back, chubby arms and things that make me seldom wear short sleeves or shorts.
now i know i probably don't fit in the whole 'ed/ed behaviour' type for some people but for most of my life i was a binge eater and within the recent years i've been the opposite (up until two years ago i would only consume one meal + a snack and only if i felt like i deserved it), and losing weight that way felt good bc i looked less heavy, but i am fully aware that it wasn't healthy. so eventually, through a lot of determination and tears, i've managed to claw my way to eating 3 meals a day (most days, sometimes it's harder than others and i manage 2). my diet itself isn't the best, i could probably do with eating more veggies but my child-like taste unfortunately followed me into my adult years and makes things hard (yes, i know i can just force myself to eat them but it's just not working).
but recently, a family member said i was putting on weight and was too fat (i was dress shopping for grad and the dress i felt the best in i wasn't allowed to buy because i 'looked too fat') and it's been on my mind since. of course said family member doesn't really understand my issues with eating (bc i'm fat) and just treats it as getting fatter (yes, it was difficult to have the issue swept under the rug and not get acknowledged for, on my own, climbing back into a healthy eating pattern). nevertheless, i want to lose weight, if only to stop hearing those comments everytime i join a family function.
the thing is, i am batshit terrified to start. i've become so acclimatized to being heavy that the idea of being anything but is kind of scary. this has always been a protective armor for me and now to lose it feels like i have to take off the armor in the midst of battle. furthermore, i know that even if i lose weight, the loose skin won't go anywhere and (it's so stupid/silly) i almost don't want to look that way? having loose skin after weight lost because i won't look good--do i look good now? probably not, but in my head having that loose skin look is worst (on me, and only me, not shaming anyone who has it) and, although silly, i want to look pretty. i want to wear shorts and short sleeves without thinking about who's going to see my arms. i also feel like a freak if i show up to the gym (because i'm heavy) and start working out; what are people going to think?
and then there's the whole issue of 'i get healthy now, but what if it's not enough?' what if i've fucked up my life already; is there any point to try? will i even get to a healthy weight at my age? will i feel okay in my body for the first time in my life? and what if i do this any i don't? what then??
it's so stupid, i acknowledge all of these fears are so stupid. but those are the thoughts that keep me in bed rather than starting.
so, people of reddit (i sincerely apologize for this very stupid post) i'm asking for the best advice to start weight loss journey, to stick to it, and, maybe, is there anyone out there who also felt fucking scared and how you overcame it
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3crOgyn
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