tl;dr - Lost weight twice: Once as a man. Once as a trans person. Experienced hair loss both times, but becoming depressed about it the second time around because of the pressure to be beautiful as a woman.
So I’ve lost weight twice in my life.
The first time was when I was in college. I went from 265 lbs to 205 lbs over the course of 8 months, give or take.
At the time, I was pescatarian, which, in retrospect, was really bad for my body. I wasn’t getting all of the nutrients I needed to get, so I started losing hair all over my head and body:
My eyebrows were thinning. My chest hair was thinning. My leg hair was thinning. I was losing hair everywhere!!
At the time, I was in denial about how bad my diet was for my body, partly because I didn’t want to eat meat again and regain the weight.
I convinced myself that my telogen effluvium (hair loss) was temporary, but after about a year of being pescatarian, and only seeing the quality of my hair and nails worsen, I knew my telogen effluvium had become chronic, and I needed to change my diet, if I wanted to regain my hair’s fullness.
So I started eating meat again, and after a few weeks, the quality of my hair improved. Still, it took another few years before my hair partly recovered—and that was with the help of The Ordinary Hair Serum. My hair never regained its former fullness.
Fast forward to a few years later, and I regained a lot of the weight from transitioning genders, and I shot back up to 255 lbs (loss of testosterone slows down your metabolism, and estrogen makes you gain and retain weight).
Last year, I lost 15 lbs through diet alone, but I wasn’t happy with how slow my weight loss was happening, so I started working out this year—intensely.
Since January, I’ve lost an additional 10 lbs (I think), possibly more body fat, since I did put on a fair bit of muscle from running and strength training.
Up until now, everything was fine. I was feeling motivated to become more fit and finish losing the weight, and then this month, I noticed my hair start to shed again…
The first time I started shedding hair, it wasn’t a big deal to me, because I “knew” it’d come back. Also, I looked like a guy at the time, so I wasn’t too concerned with my hair.
But this time, things are different. It took me three years to grow out my hair to my underbust, and now the thought of losing it hurts so fucking much, especially since my hair is already thin to begin with from the first time I experienced hair loss.
Also, men won’t really resonate with this point, but women are treated sooooooo much better when they look good. Sometimes it feels like our society only respects pretty women, and the thought of losing my hair with no knowledge of when it’ll grow back—if it grows back—has me feeling a little depressed.
I don’t feel like washing my hair. I don’t feel like combing it. I don’t feel exercising anymore. I don’t want to do anything that’s going to speed up the shedding—not even run my fingers through it or put it in a ponytail.
I’m not ugly, but fuck, do I feel so ugly right now. I feel like it’s only a matter of time before I look like Dobby from The Hobit—and who knows how long I’ll look like that.
Even when I’m not thinking about my hair, I have this sick feeling in my stomach, like I want to throw up from how upset I am with this entire thing. I’m already considering buying a high-quality wig, so I can have a head full of hair while my hair recovers—assuming it recovers—and even then, it’s going to take years for all the hairs that fell out to grow back to their former length.
Currently, I’m taking biotin supplements, using Nioxin shampoo and conditioner, and applying The Ordinary Hair Serum, hoping it helps prevents shedding, but those are all things that I’ve been doing before the shedding started, so I don’t even think it’s working.
Fuck, I’m just so sad right now.
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