A bit of backstory. I started my weight loss trip (or more how I like to think about it, my journey to a better me) about 2 years ago. Then I was around 340 pounds. I knew I was overweight, but I don’t know it just sort of crept up on me over 25 years. Things went well for about 6 months or so, I lost around 100 pounds, and I felt great for it. I’d picked up walking about 6 miles a day around my small town a day as exercise, I felt like a new person, not where I wanted to be yet but I know its a journey and I was going in the right direction.
Then about 18 months ago a few things happened that knocked me off course. The biggest is probably my sister had just lost her job and came to live with me for a bit while she figured what she wanted to do next. She eats more like how I used to, and I just slid into my old patterns. She did find her own place about 3 months later, but something had changed in me, I was back on my old path and I couldn’t seem to drag myself back to the right one. Secondly, the amount of travel for work increased a lot so about one week a month it felt like I was literally on a path of “eat anything to stop me feeling hungry, I’ll get back to eating properly when I get home“. Sadly, it seems I get home and don’t sort stuff out.
Fast forward to now and I’ve put on about half of the weight I’ve lost, but the worst part is unlike when I was at my heaviest, I’m now hyper-aware of how unhealthy I’m being for this, and I hate myself for it. Like really hate myself. Judging by what my sister has been telling me, I’ve been constantly complaining, almost blaming her for the past year, even though I don’t realise it, and I hate myself for that too. Also my body just aches from all the crap combined with my daily walking for two years, so it feels like my body just wants me to stop and I don’t know, probably eat some more.
Finally now it’s Christmas, I’m visiting my parents for a week who basically live off anything that has bread or fries strapped to it and that’s the last thing I want to think of. I like Christmas, and I want my family to enjoy it, just I don’t want to be that person complaining and ruining everything without realising. I just need to find the path I was enjoying so much before.
Thanks if you’ve read up this far what feels a bit like a rant. I just wondered if anyone has felt they’ve been in this place before and have an idea how to get back on the right track, and how to survive Christmas without turning it into yet another "I'll just do that tomorrow".
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Ct7Jkx
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