I'm 45m, been married to my wife for almost 15 years. She just turned 40. I love her more than anyone has ever loved before. She is over 400 lbs. I'm so scared. I don't want to be without her. Her health is okay, for now. I love her, she is beautiful. I have nightmares about her health, though. I feel so guilty. I feel like her weight is my fault, because I don't push her hard enough, or motivate her properly. I talk to her, honestly about how I feel, and she agrees with me, absolutely. She has implemented various plans, in the past. Nothing sticks, though. I feel like if I don't physically push her to work out, and create new diet habits, that it is my fault when she starts suffering illness and injury. I feel guilty for pushing, like it feels like I am always blaming her, and resenting her. I don't, but how does she see it? I'm sure she resents me. Like I'm such an a hole because I'm always pushing. I know she loves me. I know she agrees with me rationally. Emotionally, though, I think she really resents me, because I make her feel guilty, totally unintentionally. I don't expect any advice or anything, I just really wanted to get this off my chest. I see people with great stories to tell about their weight loss. You losers are awesome, and really make me feel better, when I lurk in here. Thank you, all. I've asked her many times to subscribe here, and just read a few stories. She has, now, subbed. She doesn't show me posts from this sub like she does /r/funny. I dont know what I want from posting this? I just feel so guilty. I want to help her, so badly. I guess, I'm posting to alleviate my feeling of guilt a bit. Or maybe I want someone to tell me it is not my fault. I don't really believe that, though. It is my fault. This didn't happen overnight. I let it continue. I always compare myself to the story of the ants and the grasshopper. The ants work so hard and prepare for winter, while the grasshopper simply enjoys the summer, with no thought for the future. I feel like I'm the grasshopper, I always have. That is why I'm guilty. I know, rationally, all the things that I have to do. When the decisions are made, though, they are made emotionally. Do we want a small, protein rich meal, or do we want the same old, relaxing plate of carbs I've been eating my entire life. Do I want to go for a walk, or sit here with my wife, wasting fools on Battlefield? I know that we must be more active and have a better diet. I know that we should be seeing the doctor more often(which is another thing I feel super guilty about.) I know these things, rationally. The emotional side of my decision process usually wins. I let her and myself down, by not doing what is right.
I would like to scream about how unfair it is that we, thoughtful, honest, simple, considerate people, have to suffer this. I know, though that fair has nothing to do with reality. It is what it is, and we have to deal with it. I have to deal with it. There is no other choice.
I have very few close friends. None, at all, that I would feel comfortable laying all this out to. I usually keep this stuff bottled up tight, but this morning, I needed to say this.
I love my wife. She has helped me become the man I am. I have shared my life with her, and do not want to contemplate life without her.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2GG1ZWT
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