Sunday, November 24, 2019

PSA: Binge eating STILL SUCKS just as bad at goal weight

I posted here a lot a couple years ago. I lost 80 pounds, and the great part of the story is, I’ve mostly kept it off! I went from 205 to 120, now hovering in the 120-130 range (5’5” tall female). Most normal days, I feel really great about my body and what I’ve achieved.

The bad news - I had binge eating tendencies when I was overweight, and instead of dealing with them properly, they only intensified if anything as I lost weight. And I’m back here to today to tell everyone out there that binge eating sucks just as bad after you’ve lost the weight as it did before.

I still balloon up the day after. I still feel bloated, sick, tired, in pain, depressed, hopeless and defeated. I still have to deal with the immense urges and cravings to keep on bingeing even more. I still have to figure out how to deal with the guilt and disgust, and how to power through the next couple days to get back on track. I feel just as fat after a binge now as I did when I weighed 200 pounds. I’ve gotten better and better at “dealing” with the aftermath, but it feels just as awful every. single. time.

I see a lot of posts from people asking how to deal with a binge. I wish now that I had answered that question to myself with a different focus. Instead of trying to figure out how to compensate for a binge, the real question should be “what can I do to prevent this from happening again?” I’ve gotten great at “making up for” binges by restricting or fasting after, feeling better by doing an extra intense workout the next day, and not gaining too much weight back. But that did nothing to solve the bigger problem of breaking the habit altogether.

Maybe this is incredibly obvious and I was the only blind one. I don’t know why I assumed I could lose weight and either automatically stop binge eating, or that when I was thin it somehow wouldn’t matter as much. I just wanted to share that in case there’s anyone else out there with the same issues. Don’t feel bad about prioritizing healing from your binge eating, even if it means slower weight loss, or a temporary pause. At the least, make sure you are working not on how to lose weight in spite of binge eating, but how to eliminate the binge eating altogether, whatever that takes.

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