I need help.

Please excuse the rambling and the poor formatting.

I need help. I was doing so well and I’ve completely fallen off the wagon. For a year and a half I was focused, counting calories and lightly working out and lost 50 pounds. My husband and I moved across country in July and I was able to find excuse after excuse to not cook, stop going to the gym, pick up fast food. ‘I can just maintain for a month until we get settled, it’s not a big deal.’

I’ve gained back 10 pounds in 3 months.

I’m so upset. My binge eating is coming back, my old habits have resurfaced and it’s starting to spread to my husband. I’ve lived with my self destructive tendencies since I was in high school, but I can’t stand knowing I’m affecting his self confidence and how he feels about himself and his body. I’m not ignorant, I know how weight loss works. CICO, eat less move more, not eating my body weight in cupcakes. I see myself eating, I KNOW BETTER, but it’s like watching myself through someone else’s eyes. I just want to shake myself and yell STOP! You KNOW this isn’t what you need to be doing!

I was only 20 pounds from my goal weight, now I’m back to 30. I’m so frustrated and angry with myself. I look at this sub and others daily, so impressed with everyone else’s strength and ability to control themselves. That’s what I wish I had, the self control. The ability to look at something I know I don’t need, and not go, just this once, because it’s never just this once. I didn’t get to be over 200 pounds because it was just this once.

Today I started trying again, really trying. Counted every calorie, walked for 30 minutes. I see myself self sabotaging and I don’t want to let my brain win this time. I guess I’m just looking for some support. Kind words, tips, stories, dog pictures, anything. I know you all have been there, you know what it’s like to feel like you’ve ruined everything. You are all so inspiring, any and all help would be so appreciated. Thank you guys.

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