6 months ago I was at my highest weight, 34lbs from where I am now. I spent a weekend with two of my good friends, one of whom I’ve been close with for almost a decade. It was awesome to see both of them before I moved across the country, but I honestly felt so embarrassed to be seen by them. I had ballooned up to 220lbs (I’m 5’1) and felt so ashamed and physically I was unwell—reflux, digestive issues, and awful snore-filled sleep.
I traveled back east for the holidays and visited them for a weekend. We were out somewhere and I got the urge to hug my long time friend because I was just SO happy to be with her again and so grateful for being alive in that moment.
So, I squeezed her! and suddenly I realized...WTF? I can’t believe I just did that! If I had done that 6 months ago I would’ve had all these anxious, self-punishing thoughts in my head like “You’re so creepy, you’re so desperate for attention,” etc.
Without even being conscious of it, I have been letting go of SO many “I’m a disturbing alien creature” feelings and coming back to feeling like an actual human who can give affection. I feel so much more like I “belong” and I feel confident again, like I trust that people want me around and aren’t disgusted by me because I’m not disgusted by myself anymore.
In retrospect it’s so devastating to me how much my weight contributed to my self-imposed isolation and feelings of loneliness. I would flake on social events all the time because I didn’t want to be seen in that state, as it was such painfully visible evidence of how much I was suffering internally.
While I’m still definitely struggling extremely hard with anxiety and depression, finding agency in my body & weight has been so healing. I’ve always been an affectionate and super social person and losing weight has me feeling like I can come back to my natural disposition without all the self-doubt and loathing.
So, all of this to say, if you’re in a similar place to where I was 6 months ago—isolated, lonely, and desperate for human connection but too full of self-doubt to let it in—honestly, I believe weight loss can be so incredibly helpful. Like I mentioned, I’m still dealing with mental health stuff (in therapy etc.) so weight loss is not a cure all by any means. But taking charge of your habits and health is confidence-boosting, and that ripples out to every single part of your life. Stick to the journey and you’ll be amazed at the small-but-huge changes you notice not just in clothing fit, but psychologically!! Good luck to you!!!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2QmAm6E
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