I feel so.. defeated? I keep seeing people post that ridiculous Huffington Post article, and I commented on some of the problematic pieces of it when my best friend shared it. He's been obese for working on ten years, and he's seen my struggles. But I got told it doesn't count because I wasn't "that fat."
I've worked really hard, albeit slowly, over the last year to drop the rest of the weight I initially set off to lose years ago. As a high school student I was struggling hard with an ED caused by a controlling relationship. This lasted nearly three years- I would eat a granola bar for breakfast, a single pack of crackers at lunch, and then either gorge myself at dinner until I was sick or I wouldn't touch any food. If I overindulged, I would run until I almost passed out. At 5'8 I weighed 120 pounds. a size 0-2 in pants. I was weak, tired, and riddled with anxiety.
Cut to college. I got prescribed an anti-anxiety medicine, I started partying and drinking, staying out late, gaining weight... I flew up to 196 pounds by the middle of my sophomore year. I was only two pounds from obese. I stopped weighing myself in fear of the number growing. I was in a size 14 pants, but they honestly didn't fit. I had knee pain that I saw several doctors for. I went to physical therapy, I had injections, expensive braces, the works. Nothing helped. My hips started to hurt, my anxiety was no longer managed by medication. I had blood drawn, thyroid panels taken, medication changes. Nothing was "wrong" according to my doctor. I felt awful. I was scared, I felt alone. I hated everything about myself when I looked in the mirror, and it felt exactly like I did at 15 staring into the mirror judging every single inch of my body. Only this time, my ribs didn't jut out, my collar bones were hidden, my cheeks were puffy and round, and my stomach protruded further than ever before.
The next year I moved into a single bedroom apartment. I couldn't afford to eat out. I was broke as hell. I was eating frozen vegetables, rice, and occasionally chicken for most of my meals. I starting dropping some weight. I looked into other things that I could eat that might help me lose weight, but were cheap enough for me to afford. By the end of my junior year, I was down to 165 pounds. I was overweight, but not by much, and I felt better. This wasn't the plan, but once the pounds started dropping it encouraged me to actively try.
My senior year I had a few credit hours open to take whatever I wanted, so I took a pilates class. I hadn't exercised since I was 16- and here I sat at 21, terrified that maybe I would fall back into my old habits. Instead, I buckled down. I found this subreddit. I downloaded MFP, set to lose .5 pounds a week because I was scared to go too fast. I decided I was going to do it right. I made it down to 145 pounds this last spring. I float between 145 and 155, though I try not to stress. After all, I made it from just under obese to legitimately healthy all on my own. Surely I could handle flopping around on a mat three times a week. And I did handle it. A year later, I still am.
Now I don't wear a knee brace. I don't take any anxiety medications, and rarely have any episodes. I'm in a size 4-6 pants. I can run two miles (if I feel like it.) My mood is better. I can eat without feeling afraid of my food for the first time in my life. I FEEL GOOD DAMN IT. And it hurts my feelings so much when people blow me off about losing weight, health, or otherwise because I'm smaller now. Or it's been so long since I was so big. Or whatever else is making them forget how much effort I really out into this.
Obviously this is a super condensed version of almost a decade. But I'm so proud of myself- I never could have imagined doing this when I first started. I never expected to make it this far in a healthy manner. I don't know why I posted this, other than to vent I guess. I've deleted it three times, knowing I sound whiny and insensitive now that I've lost the weight. But being told I wasn't "that fat" and my progress "doesn't count" struck a nerve I didn't know it would.
TL;DR Went from underweight to nearly obese to a healthy weight, got told my opinions on weight loss don't count because I wasn't "that fat." I'm butthurt about it.
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