Yesterday, the 17th, marks two months since I marked my calendar RAD in big red letters: Reddit-Announced-Diet. I did the math to plan out a 2 lb. loss (7,000 cal deficit) over two months. That would have brought me to sub 140, around the weight I was when I started college (I'm 20 years old now). Though I didn't plan for a specific GW, I imagined it would be in the high 120s, what I weighed before I began to use food as a coping mechanism.
My mom died last year and I lost a lot of weight suddenly from grief. It was one of the only times in my life that I wasn't thinking about food 24/7.
I started living with my grandma, my mom's mom, who, other than my aunt, is my only living relative. I thought we were in a really good place in March, when I started this new lifestyle of CICO and exercising. I had a gym membership, I was going at least 5x/week and finally felt like I was developing a community. I had transferred to be with my mom when she was sick and since I have been a commuter, it's never really felt like I was a true member of my college.
Well, over the last two months, I got a severe slipped disc in my back--resulting in excruciating and chronic pain radiating up and down my back and all the way to my foot.
My uncle passed away. This brought back a lot of the trauma I experienced when my mom died.
Then, after that... my grandma slipped into the deepest and darkest depression I'd ever seen or even heard of (and I'm a cognitive science major...). She began fearing penury, even though she had put a decent amount in savings. An incredibly slight woman to begin with, dropped ten pounds, putting her underweight. Terrified of being alone, she asked to hold my hand in the supermarket. Her doctor said that her case was an emergency and that she wouldn't survive on her own.
I just checked her into a psychiatric ward two days ago and spent my first night alone in this house in a long time.
I really thought that being reassured that she is now going to be receiving quality treatment would comfort me. I thought I would wake up today ready to resume my weight loss journey. I thought that I would be ready to start shedding some of the 10-15 lbs that I've gained over the last month (taking me over my starting weight to begin with). I thought that I would feel content and motivated again.
But, I still feel empty, like I need to fill up. So many things are falling apart, food is the only thing that I can keep coming back to.
This isn't an inspirational post, it's a lost and confused one.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Waby8R
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