Help Getting out of a Downward Spiral

I used to be fat - almost 200lbs at 5'3"... I told myself I 'carried it well' and it was 'because I had big boobs' but really.. I was fat.

6 years ago I decided to not be fat anymore. I started increasing my activity. I stopped putting so much food in my mouth. I got on to keto. I lost close to 60lbs over about 3 years.

5 years ago we moved overseas to Singapore. I was able to keep my weight loss up for a while, and then I plateaued. Then my weight started creeping back up a little. Life was stressful, but I was really amping up my workouts and putting on muscle. I still looked pretty good even though the scale was moving in the opposite direction I wanted to. I plateaued at about 40lbs lost and despite my efforts to get closer to my ideal weight.

We've moved overseas again (to Sydney), and back (to Singapore). I've continued to work out hard and put on muscle but in the past year there's been a lot of stress and I'll have small periods of backsliding but overall my BF% has been trending downwards and muscle gain is trending upwards.

4 months ago I was made redundant from the job that transferred us back to Singapore. 3 weeks ago my husband was let go. We both have until January to find new work or we'll be deported. I've found a short term contract (until Jan) to pay the rent, but the work is not ideal and I dread going in to work every day. I'm continuing to push myself at the gym, but in my efforts to control *one* aspect of my life I find myself going overboard and have hurt myself a few times (nothing serious, tendonitis in my shoulder, currently have strained my hip flexor)... which benches me and makes me feel even worse. Our relationship is starting to feel some tension over the stress we're both feeling. All in all life feels pretty shitty at the moment.

I lost it over halloween - I binged on chocolate and all sorts of bad shit all day. I told myself "it's just one day, I'll get back on it tomorrow" ... but if I'm honest I've been 'cheating' for weeks, and today has been another bad day. I can feel myself heading in to a downward spiral of binging and poor food choices - I've been thinking and acting like the 'fat' girl I used to be, which is just making me even more depressed and it becomes a self-fulfilling cycle of shit.

Have any of you been in this place? How do you get out of it?

submitted by /u/Asyrol
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