In 2016 I was in an unhealthy relationship both with my partner and with food. At that time, I was 26 and 263 pounds at 5’1. Basically my ex sat me down and told me he wasn’t attracted to me and a whole lot of conversations occurred. Over the course of two years I lost about 60 pounds with CICO. I was feeling great and left the relationship with that man in early 2018 for many reasons. On my own, I managed to lose more and got down to 160 for over 100 pounds lost. I literally felt great. I was dating again after about a year and in January of 2020 I met someone through a mutual friend and we are still together today. He is literally the most conventionally attractive man I have ever been with. He’s fit and handsome and we met when I was at my most fit self and lowest weight too. Life was amazing.
Well, as we have all experienced the pandemic hit about 2 months in. I did okay calorie counting at first but I started to work from home in March of 2020 and haven’t been regularly back to the office yet. I am thankful because my job and income has not been impacted at all because I work in healthcare, but around April of 2020 I really began struggling with my eating habits due to the interruption of routine and being home all day. It seems like most of my healthy habits have now been super inconsistent and long story short I’ve put back on about 35 pounds. I am REALLY struggling with my relationship with food.
My partner has been amazing for the last year and never said or made me feel in ANY way bad about myself. We still have sex just as often and we even started planning to get engaged next year. He is so kind to me and I know he is in love with me.
I just can’t help but feel so worried about my weight gain and his attraction to me. I have so much anxiety that he will start to not find me attractive or I will continue to gain weight. I see men post on the relationship sub about their girlfriends gaining weight and not finding them attractive and I’m terrified of that. I feel like I’ve cheated him out of a healthy partner because he met me at my best self physically and mentally and I started struggling immediately with Covid and work from home.
I realize this isn’t a typical post here, but I do feel this is related to lose it because I am still on my weight loss journey and this was an unintended interruption of it. I guess I’m just looking for supper or to see if anyone else has felt COVID impact their progress significantly and how to navigate weight gain in a relationship. It sucks, but I’m hyper aware of my gaining and just feel stuck.
I love my partner and want to be the best I can for (myself) and him physically and mentally. I’m just struggling.
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